Social awkwardness != arrogance
category: general [glöplog]
On a sidenote: Thank you everybody for sharing your thoughts about these things. I like where this is going!
Getting to know what people are like, what their worldviews are, what their aims in life are, etc., is not "psychopathic", but it is a necessity if you really want to handle people well because, simply said, people are very different from each other. It is a mistake many make to assume that the others are just like them.
Many people only care about money. To them, only those who make a lot of money are successful. They would probably dismiss historical geniuses such as Einstein, da Vinci or Tesla as idiots, and admire the likes of Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, etc.
Others are impressed with people who have great skills and admire them simply for their skills. With such people you could easily make friends being a demoscener.
There are also people who primarily care about status, e.g. such who don't want to spend time with people who have not completed a university degree, regardless of either talent and financial success.
You simply have to get to know people and find out what their ideals are all about, otherwise you won't succeed at handling them in an adequate manner!
Many people only care about money. To them, only those who make a lot of money are successful. They would probably dismiss historical geniuses such as Einstein, da Vinci or Tesla as idiots, and admire the likes of Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, etc.
Others are impressed with people who have great skills and admire them simply for their skills. With such people you could easily make friends being a demoscener.
There are also people who primarily care about status, e.g. such who don't want to spend time with people who have not completed a university degree, regardless of either talent and financial success.
You simply have to get to know people and find out what their ideals are all about, otherwise you won't succeed at handling them in an adequate manner!
Can a goal also be the first step, Adok?
Sorry, I don't understand your question. Could you perhaps paraphrase it?
So, I have been to several parties back then and usually had a lot of fun. I will always and very fondly remember the time I first met Dalezy or the Speckdrumm guys. Most of the time the people I met at parties were very kind, fun and just generally good persons.
It was only later, that I kind of realized a pattern with some of the sceners, that actually matches what rp posted. It also struck me as kind of "arrogant" even "vain" behaviour. I thought maybe it was due to me being not so active in the scene (not particularly good at graphics, no coding, no music, etc. Pretty much useless. xD) or maybe some sceners were on something like a "power trip" wherein the demoscene was the only place, where they actually had any kind of skill and / or authority. I wasn't sure at all and to be honest, also didn't care much, because from my point of view there was no reason for such behaviour. I was just dissapointed.
Now, having read rp's post, it makes a bit more sense to me and if I would ever visit a party again I'd take this thread into consideration. Actually, not only at demoscene parties but life in general.
It was only later, that I kind of realized a pattern with some of the sceners, that actually matches what rp posted. It also struck me as kind of "arrogant" even "vain" behaviour. I thought maybe it was due to me being not so active in the scene (not particularly good at graphics, no coding, no music, etc. Pretty much useless. xD) or maybe some sceners were on something like a "power trip" wherein the demoscene was the only place, where they actually had any kind of skill and / or authority. I wasn't sure at all and to be honest, also didn't care much, because from my point of view there was no reason for such behaviour. I was just dissapointed.
Now, having read rp's post, it makes a bit more sense to me and if I would ever visit a party again I'd take this thread into consideration. Actually, not only at demoscene parties but life in general.
Quote:
not particularly good at graphics
I can vouch that this ain't true, you're one of the best - and I really look up to you <3
From the perspective of being a noname myself, I can totally relate.
After my first breakpoint in 2004 I was near a point to quit the scene again. It took me actually years to come to the conclusion, that most people aren't arrogant, but seeing friends, that they've not seen in a while. And everytime someone comes across as the "Yeah, please go away."-type of person, I remember myself, that they have their own fair share of life to deal with. You just can't be in conversation mode 24hrs a day for a few days straight.
As I suffer from a mental illness which causes me to sometimes not being responsive for a few seconds and also being socially clumsy, I'm often perceived as stupid or dumb. And I have to say, that the demoscene is the _only_ place I'm experiencing plain acceptance without explaining this detail each time. Took some time, but this is the exact opposite of being arrogant.
I guess some people just tend to stay a bit reserved, because they don't know how to sort you in. Give them time and take your time. Not everybody wants to have deep work conversations or philosophical debates with people, they've never met.
Another thing that really helped me with the whole arrogance thing is being helpful. Just little things like having the artist badges ready for the people I know by sight is enough. Even people who come across as arrogant are dropping their masks for a few seconds in those situations and it reminds me, that I'm there for a special reason: I love the same stuff as they do.
Can't remember the last time, I wrote such a wall of text. Thanks Ronny for putting this up.
After my first breakpoint in 2004 I was near a point to quit the scene again. It took me actually years to come to the conclusion, that most people aren't arrogant, but seeing friends, that they've not seen in a while. And everytime someone comes across as the "Yeah, please go away."-type of person, I remember myself, that they have their own fair share of life to deal with. You just can't be in conversation mode 24hrs a day for a few days straight.
As I suffer from a mental illness which causes me to sometimes not being responsive for a few seconds and also being socially clumsy, I'm often perceived as stupid or dumb. And I have to say, that the demoscene is the _only_ place I'm experiencing plain acceptance without explaining this detail each time. Took some time, but this is the exact opposite of being arrogant.
I guess some people just tend to stay a bit reserved, because they don't know how to sort you in. Give them time and take your time. Not everybody wants to have deep work conversations or philosophical debates with people, they've never met.
Another thing that really helped me with the whole arrogance thing is being helpful. Just little things like having the artist badges ready for the people I know by sight is enough. Even people who come across as arrogant are dropping their masks for a few seconds in those situations and it reminds me, that I'm there for a special reason: I love the same stuff as they do.
Can't remember the last time, I wrote such a wall of text. Thanks Ronny for putting this up.
@Adok If the issue is "talking to others", how can "talking to others" be the solution?
@elend Chiming in with mog: your output has been a source of inspiration for me as well. Can also relate to your disappointment on the receiving end. There's also something that stuck with me in what you wrote, but I don't feel like this is the appropriate place to discuss it (unless you want to). Last not least: hope you'll find your way back to a demoparty again!
@elend Chiming in with mog: your output has been a source of inspiration for me as well. Can also relate to your disappointment on the receiving end. There's also something that stuck with me in what you wrote, but I don't feel like this is the appropriate place to discuss it (unless you want to). Last not least: hope you'll find your way back to a demoparty again!
@bod <3
Ronny, my point was that you have to gather knowledge about people before you are able to handle them well. You can also inform yourself about people on the Internet.
I get your point, however I don't understand how it helps overcoming the reasons for introversion and/or social awkwardness. At least it doesn't connect with my inner resistances.
Quote:
At least it doesn't connect with my inner resistances.
Maybe he is just talking about leaving your comfort zone (where I am personally terrible at tbh, being introvert myself). For me it is somehow more easy to get into a conversation on a demo party than e.g. a concert even though at both events people around you are there for the same reason. Everyone wrote so much, I can only say it was nice to read that you had a good time at revision :)
Btw, I can recommend the book "Leise Menschen - Starke Wirkung" by Sylvia Löhken.
