pouët.net

Go to bottom

HELP A DEMOSCENER OUT - ZanaGB and constant abuse

category: offtopic [glöplog]
Who is the neo-fascist here, ringofyre or me? Ringofyre is against unconditional basic income. He does not want to remove fascist structures that affect all of our lives, forcing us to behave in ways that do not match our own specific personalities.
added on the 2014-04-13 12:59:28 by Adok Adok
Adok: I'm gonna ask you nicely: Shut up.
added on the 2014-04-13 13:00:16 by Gargaj Gargaj
Ringofyre, you have been reading my Facebook status updates for years. You should have realized my attitude is far away from fascism.
added on the 2014-04-13 13:01:32 by Adok Adok
Cheers Opti. ;]
added on the 2014-04-13 13:19:01 by ringofyre ringofyre
This is not a thread about political discussion, so:
BB Image
added on the 2014-04-13 15:58:25 by Salinga Salinga
BB Image ZanaGB Replying and... Holy shit what the hell has just happened here. I guess i should try to make it out to the computer more often to be able to properly reply to stuff while avoiding... this... Derrailing and hate

First off i should thanks to everyone who has readed through and have given their pieces of advice. I am looking up some local associations myself while i manage to collect some "actual proof" ( well what i have is technically actual proof but you guys know what i mean, proof that is undeniably irrefutable, because what i got so far might not fit everyone's standard of valid provign )

Quote:
< Havoc >:
Quote:
< ZanaGB >:---- Well. the main reason those entries exists, is that if some "unforseen" events happen to me, there's somewhat of a proof of what happened and who did it. And in the event i can manage to find a way to get out of there. Drop the bomb. And at least return some of the damage i've gotten. In the best case scenario, if i manage to leave and she has to do a monetary compensation. it means that i am even accuiring even more resources after my plan has been put in practice, something that would help me getting even further from her under the possibilities of thsoe happenings.

so you think she might kill you but you stay in that house anyway, and people should just understand that? (...)

---- While i do keep up with the possibility of death. I am aware she could probably not be up for what would mean for her on the long run, since she's self centered like that. However there have been pretty close calls of me getting enterely isolated and quite a long ago, there was also the possibility that i were interned somewhere ( not going to give much detail about that ). Death is one of the many things that might happen so i am just preparing, literally, for any unforseen consequences, and if anything happens to me, so it can be tracked down back to the origin. In the best case scenario, this will be used as proof and i'll use for scape. I am on that house because, if i had social security at my name and have quoted workdays the minimun for most state beneficts. I'd just say fuck everything and go on my own. but since i have no such requirements myself i have no other choice.

Quote:
< ringofyre >: Despite havoc's less than tactful phrasing, I've got to agree. (inorite - the End must be near!) I do think he maybe extrapolating a bit tho.

If you're in danger physically, mentally or even emotionally the time to go is now. Pack what you can and get out. No matter what 'home comforts' you're relying on from your mum for be it internet access, food, clothing and shelter - they aren't worth shit if you're going to come out of this damaged or even worse not come out the other side at all. It's just no worth it. I (like jenni) got the fuck out of Dodge (left home) when I was in my teens, I had to live rough sometimes but it was safer for me than the alternative. If you're in a similar situation then bailing really is the only solution and the longer you leave it the worse off you'll be.
If this is more about your mum "tightening her purse strings" and giving you a hard time because she doesn't like your lifestyle then there are a couple of issues here.
Firstly that isn't abuse (altho it may feel like it) - it's your mothers prerogative. It doesn't make her a good or caring parent but it is ultimately her choice. I say this keeping in mind that it wasn't you who posted originally calling it "abuse" but that you have titled a subsection of your tumblr "abuse journal".
Secondly - if you were staying in the hope that she might change or you guys might repair your relationship (in the way some women stay in abusive relationships because they believe they can "change" their partners) then I would say kudos to you but... clearly you can see that's not going to happen. In which case there may not be as desperate a need for you to leave, but again - the longer you stay, the worse it's going to be for you, your mum and your relationship.
Again I apologise for the airing of dirty laundry here - I sincerely hope Tomoalien had your permission to post and I'm sure the motivation was well meant otherwise I'd be having some stern words about privacy and respect for boundaries.
Whatever choices you make I can only offer my hopes that you come out this situation better off than you seem to be now. Good luck

Oh and Adok - fuck off.

A couple of quick links to orgs to get in touch with - I don't speak spanish and I've got no idea where you live.

http://www.caritas.es/index.aspx


http://www.arrelsfundacio.org/enquestes-del-ine/

http://www.bcn.cat/sensellar/ca/xquees.php.html


---- ... As i stated on my previous post, and earlier on this one. the minimun comforts are not what ties me in. but the inhability to take care myself of my own health issues yet. It being mainly HRT ( needed for the rest of my life and mandatory to get my proper ID ) and other minor stuff regarding issues i got from birth, among others, sevrere dermathological problems. Literally she is the only one that can provide me such things as of now, until i can manage to get those on my own, leaving would not make things better on that regard. Kind of a debate between my mental health and my physical health .... Even though if things get to the point she completely negletcs me from basic medical care, i'll just leave the fuck out of there.

Also. Emotional and Psycological abuse it's still abuse. And thus calling an abuse journal "Abuse Journal" seems appropiate. If constant deception and manipulation from her part, during a decade, can not be considered abuse. I do not know what else might it be. As i said there's a difference between controlling and protective parents. and ones that make up all of their possible efforts to have someone suffering and setting them up for failure. I hope this part does not sound harsh, i apologize if it does.

Quote:
< TomoAlien >: Well, I've actually told her to run away numerous times, but she says that she needs medication and such if I remember correctly. I am also overwhelmed and pleasantly surprised by your responses.

I'll address a thing that regards me: Yes, I asked for her permission. I've shown her the thread before posting it, asking her if I should post it or not. I respect her privacy and have consulted the matter with her beforehand.

---- Tom indeed gave me the original post for approval. I as overwhelmed by the replies and not too enterely right yesterday so i missed saying that he did it with my consent, but i can't keep up with everything at once.

Quote:
< ringofyre >:Cool. I'm a bit more comfortable having discussed zana's situation with all and sundry knowing that. No sarcasm intended.
Clearly she has a good friend looking out for her, it sounds like she's going to need that sooner rather than later.
Quote:
< TomoAlien >: but she says that she needs medication and such if I remember correctly.

If zana's relying on her mum to pay for the meds then yeah, I can see a problem. No short-term solution from me, I'm afraid - financial independence in the long term.

Thanks for your input TomoAlien - I have to be honest - I was a bit concerned that we were discussing this without zana's permission and that she had only responded because she felt the need to. You sound like a good friend.

---- Well. Answering to the last part here. I have seen many people seemed to need more information or some additional details so it was clear i had to properly explain things up. Though dealing with the explaining is hard on my end for clear reasons. i do hope everyone's getting adequate answers that clear up the doubts and give a proper lighting to the current situation.

Quote:
< psenough >: only read this thread diagonally but one thing is clear:
if you live in a toxic environment, you need to move out of it. life is too short to be spent stressing and feeling like shit. look up for for abuse victim's centers around your area, they will know your best course of action to get your life back on track.

---- I will move out from it as soon as i get a way to. i made a copule explainations before you might want to read where i expanded the current explaination

I would love to thank all of you again though. I know my replies may not probably seem to show gratitude but i do appreciate that there's people out there willing to help or at least giving out advice. It's very much appreciated
added on the 2014-04-13 17:41:30 by ZanaGB ZanaGB
get seriously out of your mothers way or hack her life till it hurts, anyway, delete your blog entries about it. never read it again! I do not know you personally, however I mistrust ppl taking a bath in their selfmade depressions too often via facebook-www-like spotlight shit. ignoring and blocking her consistently is the best most effective way you can go, in my mind / after reading a little trough. would you be a local mate, you could live for free in our peacefull house, having your own place, till it's flatten. cheer up! end of line ;)
added on the 2014-04-13 19:13:39 by aqu aqu
There is a wonderful support forum for people whose families or loved ones have personality disorders here. Good luck! For what it's worth, I think that the "no communication" approach is by far the best course of action to take (and I am speaking for personal experience here), but it requires emotional strength that might be hard to come by when the situation is acute and you are relying on the very person who is abusive.
added on the 2014-04-13 20:40:58 by Preacher Preacher
I think this thread has reached a foregone conclusion - you've received a lot of advice, some good some not so good and much of it similar in nature, what you do with it is really up to you.
Adok's ground his political axe, I've had a rant, all we really need now are some pony pics from knoeki. ;]

I had just a couple of quick points and I'm done. As far as I can see unless your mum is actually the doctor writing your prescriptions for HRT then go see a dr. get a script and get the meds yourself. Otherwise you're enabling your mum by allowing her to control that particular aspect of your life. If money is the problem borrow until you can get a job if you must - whatever, just break that hold she has over you and then tackle the next thing.

Try not to make mountains out of molehills. I'm sure sometimes it may seem as tho everything is insurmountable. So don't try and tackle everything all at once. Find one thing you can do once a day to improve your situation. Trust me - getting even the smallest thing done will give you a boost of achievement and self esteem and with that should come the confidence to approach bigger and more complex problems - like Jodie Foster's dad tells her in Contact - "Babysteps".
Again I wish you the best of luck. You'll probably surprise yourself as to how strong and resilient you really can be. And as has been seen here you have a lot of people who are prepared to help in whatever ways that they can - don't be afraid to call on that support.
My apologies for the pic, but well... it was time. ;)
BB Image
added on the 2014-04-13 23:22:38 by ringofyre ringofyre
Adok: what is wrong with you fucking up Every thread you participate?

Zana: pack your bags and leave your "home".
If Not, your psych and soul will be broken
added on the 2014-04-14 00:46:29 by _docd _docd
Hi ZanaGB,

School or living at home wasn't my thing when I was 19.

I recommend doing the following while you're still at home:

  • work on your portfolio website and resume.
  • Open a savings and/or checking account.
  • Apply for a line of credit. You can start with a few or no dollars. You don't even need a job.

Although these things helped me to move out on my own, it wasn't until I realized that I needed to change the situation for myself that things improved.

My parents were very over-protective and old fashioned. They too were screamers in Spanish. They thought I spent too much time on my computer. I failed at two different universities from playing net quake and boredom from classes. My parents did not want me to get a job so I could focus on my studies.

It sounds like your mom just wants you to finish school. She may be old fashioned or too stubborn to understand how times have changed.

You seem very skilled. You could aim for a computer related job like art production, retouching or web development/design. Print out your sprite sheets and logos into a physical binder for job interviews. You can also finish school and get it out of the way.

Do what you want and not what your mom wants. You are strong enough to do something about it. *YOU CAN ONLY HELP YOURSELF*.

P.S.
Not sure where in Spain you live, but this party seems up your alley: http://www.euskal.org Sounds like you need some R&R.

Please keep us updated on your progress. Own the situation.

Luis
BB Image ZanaGB Again. Sorry for having took ages to reply. Was not particularily the best day ever neither i was within reach of a proper machine or circumstances to write anything. So... Yeah. As usual. Replying the messages in a bulk, because i feel like no message should be kept unanswered ❤

Quote:
< aqu >: get seriously out of your mothers way or hack her life till it hurts, anyway, delete your blog entries about it. never read it again! I do not know you personally, however I mistrust ppl taking a bath in their selfmade depressions too often via facebook-www-like spotlight shit. ignoring and blocking her consistently is the best most effective way you can go, in my mind / after reading a little trough. would you be a local mate, you could live for free in our peacefull house, having your own place, till it's flatten. cheer up! end of line ;)

---- ... I will get ASAP. but i am NOT going to remove my "permanent" record. ( they can take my site down one day so by definition it ain't permanant ). Even though i move it will be part of my past and should be preserved. May some people learn in the future from my experience, or something. If not, Historical archiving is still a valid reason. Also. Ignoring and blocking her is something kinda hard when you gotta live with her about 16 hours per day

Quote:
< Preacher >: There is a wonderful support forum for people whose families or loved ones have personality disorders here. Good luck! For what it's worth, I think that the "no communication" approach is by far the best course of action to take (and I am speaking for personal experience here), but it requires emotional strength that might be hard to come by when the situation is acute and you are relying on the very person who is abusive.

---- That link seems really worth checking. I'll see it in depth when i have time. Regarding no communication. it is my best attempt to ignore her as much as i can and to spend the least time at home i can unless it's really mandatory, otherwise i just try to be on my own world for the time being

Quote:
< ringofyre >: I think this thread has reached a foregone conclusion - you've received a lot of advice, some good some not so good and much of it similar in nature, what you do with it is really up to you.
Adok's ground his political axe, I've had a rant, all we really need now are some pony pics from knoeki. ;]

I had just a couple of quick points and I'm done. As far as I can see unless your mum is actually the doctor writing your prescriptions for HRT then go see a dr. get a script and get the meds yourself. Otherwise you're enabling your mum by allowing her to control that particular aspect of your life. If money is the problem borrow until you can get a job if you must - whatever, just break that hold she has over you and then tackle the next thing.

Try not to make mountains out of molehills. I'm sure sometimes it may seem as tho everything is insurmountable. So don't try and tackle everything all at once. Find one thing you can do once a day to improve your situation. Trust me - getting even the smallest thing done will give you a boost of achievement and self esteem and with that should come the confidence to approach bigger and more complex problems - like Jodie Foster's dad tells her in Contact - "Babysteps".
Again I wish you the best of luck. You'll probably surprise yourself as to how strong and resilient you really can be. And as has been seen here you have a lot of people who are prepared to help in whatever ways that they can - don't be afraid to call on that support.
My apologies for the pic, but well... it was time. ;)
[unrelated picture of a pony that i hope it's photoshopped.]

---- I really hope that pony has been 'shopped over. otherwise i'd kill their owners with my bare hands

Regarding the other points. Well. I am not sure where i can even borrow the money from. If i asked her it'd be like being on the same situation and if i took it from her that'd be illegal. ( also she does not have anything to do with the prescriptions. but since i have not enough work quote, i am not listed in the social security. so if i leave, i would stop having any benefict at all, and if i could get to those medications, i'd need to pay fullprice for them ( which as you might probably guess it's insanely expensive ). So far i am trying to see if i can make some money out of my art through commisioned work and seek another chances to get involved on great art projects such illustrating another book or designing something for someone that might need it. that would definetly help me at least to rent a room for a while ( should need to see how to validate my art works if i get them through social security to get the proper beneficts from there. maybe signing in as an autonomous worker might work for such purpose )

Quote:
< _docd >: Adok: what is wrong with you fucking up Every thread you participate?

Zana: pack your bags and leave your "home".
If Not, your psych and soul will be broken

---- Indeed. Though i am afraid i am pretty fucked up already. being honest here. But of course. the longer one is exposed to a corrosive agent, the more damage is produced. so yeah.

Quote:
< █▄ █▄█ █ ▄█▀ >: Hi ZanaGB,

School or living at home wasn't my thing when I was 19.

I recommend doing the following while you're still at home:

  • work on your portfolio website and resume.
  • Open a savings and/or checking account.
  • Apply for a line of credit. You can start with a few or no dollars. You don't even need a job.

Although these things helped me to move out on my own, it wasn't until I realized that I needed to change the situation for myself that things improved.

My parents were very over-protective and old fashioned. They too were screamers in Spanish. They thought I spent too much time on my computer. I failed at two different universities from playing net quake and boredom from classes. My parents did not want me to get a job so I could focus on my studies.

It sounds like your mom just wants you to finish school. She may be old fashioned or too stubborn to understand how times have changed.

You seem very skilled. You could aim for a computer related job like art production, retouching or web development/design. Print out your sprite sheets and logos into a physical binder for job interviews. You can also finish school and get it out of the way.

Do what you want and not what your mom wants. You are strong enough to do something about it. *YOU CAN ONLY HELP YOURSELF*.

P.S.
Not sure where in Spain you live, but this party seems up your alley: http://www.euskal.org Sounds like you need some R&R.

Please keep us updated on your progress. Own the situation.

Luis

---- About the list.

Uhh... Well i might need to find an affordrable webhost and learn some HTML+CSS to make something presentable X3 ( i could always go the WYSIWYG route but that's lazy and never looks right )

Savings account? Got one. pretty empty at the moment, but well. it's there!

I am unsure what that last one means. however without an endorsement/backing i doubt i could ask anywhere for credit. plus intersts would rise insanely high afterwards ( i am probably getting the wrong idea about this last one )

Your situation definetly sounds like mine. and she, while is clear that her objective is to force me to get some superior education done ( would have a biomedical sciences degree finished 2 years ago but things happened. so yeah. Now doing a medium degree of MISAN at the moment ) she'd nag about me not being something society could use ( and even though i'd love to dedicate myself to art so... yeh )

I am currently tryign to look up for any job applications that would be interested on a semiprofessional designer. either for character design or interface design. Hopefully something comes up. Should definetly print up most of my "important" work for reference though

Regarding that party...... Would be interested to go. Kind of too far where i live ( 380 km approximately ). Would definetly worth checking it out next year ( can't make any plans to go in less than 3 months lol ). Reading about and i see it's more than just scene stuff. Seems something i'd enjoy attending :P lol maybe i could advertise myself a little if i had the chance.

Regarding the updates. I am not sure what do you mean. But my blog keeps most of the personal updates while my dA is there for Art updates, until someone over here would like me to work with them on something, then the production would appear here, and count as an update, i guess? But i guess i will update on the sutiation somehow how/whatever it is

Thank you all again
added on the 2014-04-14 21:31:07 by ZanaGB ZanaGB
Hi there!

So I think this is about the right time for me to jump in. I don't have anything further to say or add on most of this. Advice has already been given for the large part, and I'll save you from more platitudes. (No offense to those who've already spoken.)

However,
Quote:
by BB Image ZanaGB:
Uhh... Well i might need to find an affordrable webhost and learn some HTML+CSS to make something presentable X3 ( i could always go the WYSIWYG route but that's lazy and never looks right )

Never easier! As a scener, I believe you are welcome to apply to Unterground, run by some wonderful sceners who stay on top of things and I think should be quite willing to help out.

I am also available for limited free hosting, if you don't mind it being run off of a personally managed server not in a datacenter somewhere. That said, I am still in process of setting things back up after an unexpected harddrive failure. (I promise this is not a common occurrence and I do keep backups.) So things are not completely in order yet, but mostly there, and I may be unable to respond quickly until after Revision. Lastly you don't seem crazy, unlike the last [imagine air quotes] "demoscener" I previously hosted, so that's a bonus. :) (I have an new unofficial policy after that last guy. :P) Contact info can be found through my one-man-demogroup's website via my Pouet profile if you need it.

On the other half of the quote, I also manage an IRC bot for #css on freenode (irc.freenode.net) which if nothing else is a great place to ask questions on confusing things you can't find answers to on the net without a quick bit of searching.

I would recommend starting with some schools, boning up on selectors, and learning about specificity. Avoid the w3schools.com website. That should cover the basics.

I am generally on in the evenings PST/PDT, which tends to correspond to before dawn European times, though I have been known to stay up late enough to overlap with their mornings. (Nobody ever said I keep a proper sleep schedule.) However there's a quite a few regulars who are helpful potentially available at other times. Ask away and someone will get back to you if you wait.

Remember, I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together.
Quote:
< AMcBain >:Hi there!

So I think this is about the right time for me to jump in. I don't have anything further to say or add on most of this. Advice has already been given for the large part, and I'll save you from more platitudes. (No offense to those who've already spoken.)

However,
Quote:
by BB Image ZanaGB:
Uhh... Well i might need to find an affordrable webhost and learn some HTML+CSS to make something presentable X3 ( i could always go the WYSIWYG route but that's lazy and never looks right )

Never easier! As a scener, I believe you are welcome to apply to Unterground, run by some wonderful sceners who stay on top of things and I think should be quite willing to help out.

I am also available for limited free hosting, if you don't mind it being run off of a personally managed server not in a datacenter somewhere. That said, I am still in process of setting things back up after an unexpected harddrive failure. (I promise this is not a common occurrence and I do keep backups.) So things are not completely in order yet, but mostly there, and I may be unable to respond quickly until after Revision. Lastly you don't seem crazy, unlike the last [imagine air quotes] "demoscener" I previously hosted, so that's a bonus. :) (I have an new unofficial policy after that last guy. :P) Contact info can be found through my one-man-demogroup's website via my Pouet profile if you need it.

On the other half of the quote, I also manage an IRC bot for #css on freenode (irc.freenode.net) which if nothing else is a great place to ask questions on confusing things you can't find answers to on the net without a quick bit of searching.

I would recommend starting with some schools, boning up on selectors, and learning about specificity. Avoid the w3schools.com website. That should cover the basics.

I am generally on in the evenings PST/PDT, which tends to correspond to before dawn European times, though I have been known to stay up late enough to overlap with their mornings. (Nobody ever said I keep a proper sleep schedule.) However there's a quite a few regulars who are helpful potentially available at other times. Ask away and someone will get back to you if you wait.

Remember, I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together.


Currently, your site seems to be down, however i might contact you whenever we both are free. Been thinking for a while to have a personal portfolio i could use to share around to contain my Pixel Art and other artistic works in one place, so i can interest people on getting me to make something for them. And, well, i might see in this a good opportunity to actually get to learn how to do it and get it done x3 ( in fact i decided to take up some old designs and make a mockup i'll have to assemble somehow [maybe i might even just use tools for it because most of the art is intended to be tilable to adapt itself and besides that it's just images and text]: http://imgkk.com/i/8gce.png )

And now you got me both scared and curious about your previous client/scener. Seems like they were rather unpleasent.
added on the 2014-04-15 17:30:58 by ZanaGB ZanaGB
There's a story there on that guy. Maybe later.

Anyway, which site? The main site (base domain name) is down, but never had my contact info anyway. :) The one you want is http://kennewick.asmcbain.net/

Aaaaand now I see the confusion. My one-man-derp-demogroup links to the above site, but my profile links to my base site. Oops. Anyway, click any link on the previous site that says contact me and it'll pop up in your mail client. Just change the subject line.

(I am working on getting the base site back up but at this point not until after Revision. Just missing a restore of its database data from my backup. Hosting new stuff will work just fine and other sites on the domain are running.)
ok people we've had our dose of dr. phil again

move along
added on the 2014-04-16 14:16:57 by superplek superplek
Quote:
she'd nag about me not being something society could use


it doesnt matter what you do, she will always nag you.
added on the 2014-04-16 14:47:20 by Oswald Oswald
.... That moment when you think you have posted something, you get your laptop from hybernating, press refresh. and you realize you did not post the post.

@Oswald: Indeed. nothing ever would be enough for her... so... yeah.

@AMcBain: Will contact you after Revision, then. i don't think it's polite to bug someone while they are setting stuff up for an event :) And, fair enough, "that story" did intrigue me though X3

( this was going to be wayyyy longer originally but... ugh.. lol not in a mood to write or anything )
added on the 2014-04-18 15:03:13 by ZanaGB ZanaGB
Well, things got worse somehow. I don't wanna talk about it because I wasn't there during the events... but from what I know things went really horrible, tho this time her parents weren't included.
added on the 2014-05-10 22:00:18 by TomoAlien TomoAlien

login

Go to top