How about a joke anyone?
category: residue [glöplog]
Two dicks walk into a bank and shout out "This is a stick up!"
Half way into their bank raid a vibrator enters the bank, the one dick freaks out and turns to the other dick and says "Oh no, we're fucked, It's ROBOCOCK!"
Half way into their bank raid a vibrator enters the bank, the one dick freaks out and turns to the other dick and says "Oh no, we're fucked, It's ROBOCOCK!"
Two pilots who’ve never flown together before are flying trans-Atlantic. About a half hour into the flight, the Jewish pilot says to the Chinese pilot, :
-"I hate the Chinese."
-"All Chinese?"- the other pilot replies. "How can you hate all Chinese? WHY do you hate all Chinese?"
The Jewish pilot says:
- "Because they bombed Pearl Harbor, man."
The Chinese pilot says:
-"That wasn’t us, that was the Japanese."
-"Chinese, Japanese, Viet Namese—it’s all the same thing."
The Chinese pilot doesn’t reply for about half an hour; then he says:
- "I hate Jews."
-"What do you hate Jews for? What did we ever do to you?"
-"You sunk the Titanic."
-"You’re crazy! The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg."
-"Iceberg, Rosenberg, Goldberg— it’s all the same thing."
-"I hate the Chinese."
-"All Chinese?"- the other pilot replies. "How can you hate all Chinese? WHY do you hate all Chinese?"
The Jewish pilot says:
- "Because they bombed Pearl Harbor, man."
The Chinese pilot says:
-"That wasn’t us, that was the Japanese."
-"Chinese, Japanese, Viet Namese—it’s all the same thing."
The Chinese pilot doesn’t reply for about half an hour; then he says:
- "I hate Jews."
-"What do you hate Jews for? What did we ever do to you?"
-"You sunk the Titanic."
-"You’re crazy! The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg."
-"Iceberg, Rosenberg, Goldberg— it’s all the same thing."
A man walks into a bar, with a giraffe. He orders 2 beers, and drinks one while the giraffe drinks the other. Then, the giraffe falls over and passes out on the floor.
The barman says 'Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!'
And the man replies 'It's not a lion, it's a giraffe'.
The barman says 'Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!'
And the man replies 'It's not a lion, it's a giraffe'.
This guy walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange. He says:
'I'll have a pint of lager, please.' And the barman says: 'Excuse me, I
couldn't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange.'
And the boy goes: 'Yeah, had that for a while now.'
So the barman says: 'How did that come about, if you don't mind me
asking?' And the boy says: 'I was in this old junk shop when I found a
lamp and when I gave it a rub this genie appeared.
He offered me the standard three wishes, and I said: 'For my first wish,
I'd like every woman I ever meet to fall madly in love with me.' So the
genie waves his genie hands and suddenly there's women looking at me.
Then the genie says: 'What will your second wish be?' I said: 'I'd like
a wallet with $1million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be
destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be
replenished.' And the genie says: 'Your wish is granted. Now, what will
your third wish be?' So I said: 'For my third wish, I'd like half my
head to be a big orange.'
'I'll have a pint of lager, please.' And the barman says: 'Excuse me, I
couldn't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange.'
And the boy goes: 'Yeah, had that for a while now.'
So the barman says: 'How did that come about, if you don't mind me
asking?' And the boy says: 'I was in this old junk shop when I found a
lamp and when I gave it a rub this genie appeared.
He offered me the standard three wishes, and I said: 'For my first wish,
I'd like every woman I ever meet to fall madly in love with me.' So the
genie waves his genie hands and suddenly there's women looking at me.
Then the genie says: 'What will your second wish be?' I said: 'I'd like
a wallet with $1million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be
destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be
replenished.' And the genie says: 'Your wish is granted. Now, what will
your third wish be?' So I said: 'For my third wish, I'd like half my
head to be a big orange.'
A 12 year old boy walks into a brothel, dragging a dead dog on a lead. He walks up to the counter, puts €50 down, and says 'I want one of your whores for half an hour.'
The woman says 'I think your a bit young...'
The boy puts another 50 down, and says 'A whore. For half an hour.'
The woman looks at the cash, and agrees, but the boy puts another 50 down, and says 'one with active herpes.'
The woman says 'What???'
The boy puts another 50 down, 'Active herpes.'
The woman looks at the cash, and agrees, and 30 minutes later, the boy comes back down the stairs, still dragging the dead dog. The woman says 'I'm really curious, why did you want a whore with active herpes?'
And the boy says 'Well, my parents are going out tonight, and I'll be shagging the baby sitter. At midnight, my parents will get back, and my dad will give the babysitter a lift home, and he'll shag her in the back of the car. And when he get's home, he'll shag my mum. Then, in the morning, my dad will go to work, and the milkman will deliver the milk, and shag my mum. And he's the bastard that ran my dog over with his truck!'
The woman says 'I think your a bit young...'
The boy puts another 50 down, and says 'A whore. For half an hour.'
The woman looks at the cash, and agrees, but the boy puts another 50 down, and says 'one with active herpes.'
The woman says 'What???'
The boy puts another 50 down, 'Active herpes.'
The woman looks at the cash, and agrees, and 30 minutes later, the boy comes back down the stairs, still dragging the dead dog. The woman says 'I'm really curious, why did you want a whore with active herpes?'
And the boy says 'Well, my parents are going out tonight, and I'll be shagging the baby sitter. At midnight, my parents will get back, and my dad will give the babysitter a lift home, and he'll shag her in the back of the car. And when he get's home, he'll shag my mum. Then, in the morning, my dad will go to work, and the milkman will deliver the milk, and shag my mum. And he's the bastard that ran my dog over with his truck!'
Another one :)
Theres a captain in the french foreign legion, and he moves to a new place, it's in a fort in the middle of the desert in africa. After a week there, he asks one of his men: 'what do you do when you need a woman here, there are no women!?'
And the man replies 'Oh, it's no problem. We borrow the camel.'
The captain says 'well, I see, I think I can manage without.'
6 weeks later, the captain is really desparate, and says to the man 'Bring me that camel!'
An hour later, the captain walks out of his room, with the camel, with a big smile. He says to the man 'Well, that wasn't as bad as I though really.'
The man says 'Well, I wouldn't know sir.'
'What do you mean you wouldn't know?'
'Well sir, we just use the camel to ride to the nearest town, and find a woman.'
Theres a captain in the french foreign legion, and he moves to a new place, it's in a fort in the middle of the desert in africa. After a week there, he asks one of his men: 'what do you do when you need a woman here, there are no women!?'
And the man replies 'Oh, it's no problem. We borrow the camel.'
The captain says 'well, I see, I think I can manage without.'
6 weeks later, the captain is really desparate, and says to the man 'Bring me that camel!'
An hour later, the captain walks out of his room, with the camel, with a big smile. He says to the man 'Well, that wasn't as bad as I though really.'
The man says 'Well, I wouldn't know sir.'
'What do you mean you wouldn't know?'
'Well sir, we just use the camel to ride to the nearest town, and find a woman.'
Moooooorrrrrrrreeeeee!!!!!
Morrre me, ok I know ;)
Two goldfish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other:
- Say, can you drive this thing?
- Say, can you drive this thing?
Conference about: "Should man have a wife or a lover"?
The doctor claims that wife is the most important, and a man must have a wife. It is the only guarantee of sexual health.
The psychologist, that a man should have a lover. In that case a man can evolve, is very polite, elegant and always is trying to do his best.
The scientist proves that both: man must have a wife and a lover. Cause in that manner wife thinks that he is with the lover, the lover thinks that he is with wife and he, the man, can sneak out to the library.
The doctor claims that wife is the most important, and a man must have a wife. It is the only guarantee of sexual health.
The psychologist, that a man should have a lover. In that case a man can evolve, is very polite, elegant and always is trying to do his best.
The scientist proves that both: man must have a wife and a lover. Cause in that manner wife thinks that he is with the lover, the lover thinks that he is with wife and he, the man, can sneak out to the library.
There was a Greek, a German and a French in a plane.
..but I guess I'd have to say goodbye to the pouet community today and start going to the Strabaparty to find the Germans and the French erasmus students and, and, and,.. yeah, that lovely Finnish girls =). Oh,. and the crazy drunken Norwegians, cool dudes. Should better socialiazing instead of wasting my time in this 'how did he said',.. hmm yeah! ...this banal static circular movement, nothin but an elephant grave yard. Lol, hahahaha!!! Tschus..
Finnish girl are lovely, that is true... Especially after 1/4 of Finlandia ;) Go on, do not waste your time typing....
Just let us know, how long will you be away??
Couldn't help myself thinking of the ejaculation scene in 'Scary Movie'... :-P
btw, I laughed my ass off with these jokes :-)
btw, I laughed my ass off with these jokes :-)
have you heard this one : you all suck
optimus
An Englishman and Scotishman were on board a passenger jet. They were on the way to New Zealand.
They had been in the air 4 hours when the Englishman stood up to use the toilet. But when he got there he noticed it was engaged so he waited outside patiently. 30 minutes later he was still waiting and the then the Scottishman came to use the toilet. They stood there for another hour and the toilet was still in use. They were getting desperate now and were jigging around until they could hold out no more.
The Englishman returned to his seat and covered his lap with a coat and then urinated into a cup. The Scottishman was about to wiss in the attendants storage locker when suddenly the Irishman emerged from the toilet and returned to his seat.
He'd been in there a long time!!
They had been in the air 4 hours when the Englishman stood up to use the toilet. But when he got there he noticed it was engaged so he waited outside patiently. 30 minutes later he was still waiting and the then the Scottishman came to use the toilet. They stood there for another hour and the toilet was still in use. They were getting desperate now and were jigging around until they could hold out no more.
The Englishman returned to his seat and covered his lap with a coat and then urinated into a cup. The Scottishman was about to wiss in the attendants storage locker when suddenly the Irishman emerged from the toilet and returned to his seat.
He'd been in there a long time!!
cool.
A man is crossing a road one day when a frog calls out to him and
says "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."!
So he bends over, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket.
The frog speaks up again, saying, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and
brave you are and how you are my here".
The man takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it
to his pocket. The frog says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for a whole week".
Once again, the man takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and
puts it back.
The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do _ANYTHING_ you want."
Again, the man takes the frog out, smiles at it, before returning it to
his pocket.
Finally the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a year and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
"Look", the man replies, "I am a computer programmer. I've no interest
in a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool"
says "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."!
So he bends over, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket.
The frog speaks up again, saying, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and
brave you are and how you are my here".
The man takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it
to his pocket. The frog says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for a whole week".
Once again, the man takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and
puts it back.
The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do _ANYTHING_ you want."
Again, the man takes the frog out, smiles at it, before returning it to
his pocket.
Finally the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a year and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
"Look", the man replies, "I am a computer programmer. I've no interest
in a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool"
A man walks by a frog that can talk. The frog says, "Kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
The man kisses the frog and it turns into a beautiful princess. She then kisses the man, and he turns into a motel.
The man kisses the frog and it turns into a beautiful princess. She then kisses the man, and he turns into a motel.
Complex walks into a bar with hardly a 1024 poly object and screams "7800 polys!"
...I agree with Ile.
...I agree with Ile.
a bird can fly
a fly can't bird
a fly can't bird
What would you rather bee, or a wasp?
Ok, a funny one instead:
A young woman is pregnant, and she calls her mum on her mobile: 'mum, I think my waters have broke'
'Jesus! Where are you ringing from?'
'From my fanny to my ankles!'
As a guide for non-native english speakers: ringing sounds the same as wringing, which means very wet
A young woman is pregnant, and she calls her mum on her mobile: 'mum, I think my waters have broke'
'Jesus! Where are you ringing from?'
'From my fanny to my ankles!'
As a guide for non-native english speakers: ringing sounds the same as wringing, which means very wet