pouët.net

Listen, I have this problem. Maybe it was always a problem. I really really wanted to create something on my own in order to give a meaning in my life. I found demos.

In the past I was struggling because I really really wanted it but there were some obstacles like the fact I should study or my parents didn't want this demoshit. Now that I got a job I don't have that burden, I can go home in the evening and do what I want without thinking of my parents, afterall I deserve it now.

At first I felt time is so few. It's not easy to finish with the job, go home and have something like 5-6 hours before you have to go back to sleep for the next day. And planning democoding instead of relaxing. It's logical.

Then someone in my blog said that with so few time I could make a small plan of do small thing or work 1-2 hours per day in the big things and then also relax, don't forget relaxation. But I am lazy, too lazy. I find it very hard to get back from work and oppress myself to code for demos. Because that's what it was always. I was just fed up.

I can't see it as free creativity, as something fun. I can only see myself as being oppresed by my own passion to do something for the scene or being creative (even with coding projects outside the scene) for the sake of it. But if I don't I loose the meaning.
There is a:
1) need to relax
2) need to create

I am:
3) fed up with oppresive creativity
4) seeing creativity as only an oppresive or obsessive passion

5) I could just decide that what I want is to relax and play RPGs, watch movies and waste the rest of my day and that creativity is not what I want. But I don't want to not be creative. I suddenly lose the meaning on my life.

Coming back from work (which doesn't give me anything else than a salary and a satisfaction that I am big and independent now) and just relaxing the rest of the day and then just again work. Also weekends doesn't pay off, I am not creative at all then because it's the precious weekend and I want to do other things than coding something that might not see the light.

It's not about usual suggestions like: make a plan, do small things, don't ask for too much from yourself, do some pauses, etc, etc. I know these things and I also try to apply them from time to time.

But there is the big one inside me. I can't see creativity as something free but as something oppressive. And if I wish to see it as something free it is because if I see it as that I believe I can be more productive, but it's really that I WANT that I MUST be, so it's an contradiction. I put the "WANT/MUST" words to show it's an obsession. If I try to avoid seeing it as that, it's because I WANT it back. And that WANT shows an obsession. So if I try to go away and reach free creativity, I get more productive which is what obsessive creativity wants. It's like I don't really want the free creativity but I always get back to passion..

But there is a second part of me who is fed up of it and maybe reacts to this demomaking business (or even creative business outside the scene). All usual solutions (plans, brute force solution (just shut up and do it), stay for a while off) work only temporary. They first make me to believe they work but not only till it comes back..

What can I do?
Continue in the same root?
Find another hobby?
Find what I really want?
Get a life?

Please it's not a joke thread. I just need suggestions or talk. Does anybody else feel like this at times?

just wait, it'll come back.

also visit another demoparty, do some partyhacking. finally, get a crew together, working together is so much more motivating than working alone. make some weekend appointments with them.

dont make demos because you think you have to, make them because you want to. if you don't want to at a certain moment, don't force yourself (unless the compo starts next week, but then that's a good motivator).

please go see a doctor. writing this long texts about life can't be healthy :P

Word!

Never heard THAT excuse before ;)

also, don't fear that if you stop making stuff and start relaxing and playing rpgs, then that's what you'll do for the rest of your life. *if* it turns out like that then that's who you are and you'll learn to be happy about it once you notice you *are* happier. if not, then at one point you'll start making stuff automatically. considering the amount of stuff you already made, there's a good chance you're the creative type also on the inside. just don't think about it so much, try to go with the flow. inspiration comes and goes, you know :)

nutman, try greek parents. not kidding, those people own their kids and treat them as such.

Look, if you're not motivated, you're not motivated.

I think the motivation should come automatically, but it doesn't hurt to help it along.

If you join a group of peers, they could help you along and there's definately a chance of getting motivated beyond your wildest dreams, if you join the right crew (there's also the chance of the opposite is the crew is sooo wrong, but let's be positive now, shall we?)

Also, the lack of motivation might have something to do with the season - I know mine has. I hardly do any scene-related work during spring and summer, because I don't want to spend that much time in front of my computer. Well, I DO want to, but then we're talking about taking my laptop into the nature, finding a beautiful place to get inspired by and start composing music there. So that's not gonna happen... (me laaaazy, too!) ;)

Anyway, those are just a few random thoughts - having a talented and active crew has helped me a lot, but I have also had to spur on myself once in a while - I guess either you're interested on some basic level, or you're just not. Simply put.

crap part is that them damn trees still don't have power sockets. it's worse than airports!

optimus, im not being mean here but dont you think it's quite telling that you cant find the energy to make demos, but you can find the energy and time to make massive blog-like posts on pouet like this one?
making demos isnt for everyone. it _is_ an obsessive hobby for those who are really productive, i think - it almost has to be by it's very nature.

Optimus: Stop writing such longs posts. There is nothing in there that couldn't be expressed in three sentences or less. I didn't even bother to read the whole thing, so based on the topic alone: the trick to combat creative brainfreeze is to do something completely different. Don't force it, just leave it be.

Optimus: if you like writing and blogging (to others: yes this can be a non-exclusive healthy hobby), try writing and blogging about something else than yourself, like you've already done with your former diskmag articles :)

hobbyst journalism is totally feasible in the internet era, and it usually makes you go out to parties, conventions, concerts, events, etc...


btw don't try to look like the genius or ayatollah around, there is no norm or standard to "be happy" (i prefer to say to be not unhappy) or to "get a life". imho there are some universal hints like 'work' (congrats with yours) or 'mate', but not always, and i would suggest you to enjoy your new independence and your lack of family responsability til it lasts, you're still young :)


and maybe the whole world is expecting you to code the ultimate 4D plasma effect ;)

@Optimus,
depending on the kind of job you have these can also cause freezing. for example if you do the same/similar work by doing your job like when you code demos. there is the solution.
as you normally do demos for fun and work to get money (some kind of prostitution) so that you can live, there is a total differenz in those.
result is > perhaps you sometimes associate demo coding with prostitution :D like the work you do.
also as the time goes by normally you become more and more deliberative what makes sense and what not. so that it isn't the problem to code the demo itself. it's just you don't want to spend the time in doing it after work as you already spent a lot of time by working.
this combination of association and some kind of lost time causes the problem from my point of view.

Optimus: welcome in the real world. Now get back to work you slacker!

Simply living your life is a source of inspiration.
Working, earning money, having fun with friends, having troubles, finding solutions to problems, making choices, being in love, feeling depressed, being happy, etc...
Stop waiting, walk your own path.

I stopped reading here, but I totally agree ;)

is time the older we get going over faster or are we becoming slower? :D

tl;dr

kiddie rpg's are a good way to free yourself from creative burdens. but even those tend to get boring. you can try to work on some small stuff, just for fun. even if that seems very gay and unworthy of your skills. or indeed, like skrebbel suggests, do teamwork. even if that seems to compromise coder porn. it can be rewarding and can break the circle :)

Optimus, start to grow a lot of plants. It doesn't take up a lot of time and it's very cehap. And it is also very fascinating and rewarding to see large plants grow from tiny seeds. Heck, you can even grow your own food, like tomatos.
And then you can sit in front of your computer and watch them grow.
I do it.

(re)creative plants ?

If I created a new topic on pouet every time I feel depressed... I would be rich already... yes, rich

Optimus:



This goes for at least 90% of your posts.

Nice!