mea culpa
category: general [glöplog]
I herein apologize for all my past bad behaviour:
1/ the pouet "incident" : mass spaming of this bbs after London assault
2/ the shocking articles in Hugi
3/ shortcomings in my personality: conceit, negative vision of the scene, ...
For the first I understand this incident has caused my exclusion from pouet and
the disturbance of the information service. That's why I ask now forgiveness :
I wasn't myself after London as terrorist attacks and physical assault get me
exhausted and not patient at all, pouet was like a psychoterapy or a boxing
seance to clear the stress. My behaviour was misplaced however, I avow. I've now
recovered mentally and admit new sceners aren't as bad as they seem at first
sight: I' ve met far more "abnormal" guys and you're definitively better.
Alcool and beer is something normal in several countries while beeing not bad
if consumed with care: this stimulate digestion. I love art and so I love the
scene. I also love the technical side but sadly I've lost the point years ago
with my job as system administrator : we don't care really about gfx card
programming there. As the result I can't judge nowadays quality of code / gfx /
music: I'm not a geek anymore.
The result is that I've wrote shocking articles : I still consider having some
good points but I understand an "unknown" can't impose his views to the scene.
Nobody can impose anything because the scene isn't a democracy or whatever
politicaly talking: it's based on creativity so on freedom.
Technicaly talking coders, newcomers to the scene or simply new sceners, that
is, sceners with " only" 10 years of demomaking didn't have any choice: it's
directx or opengl, nothing else when you want to code on the PC and it's 3D
because 3D is everywhere, 2D is dead because it doesn't sell as much and is no
more on the general trend. 2D tools have disappeared or their 3D counterparts
can do what they do and general technics even in graphism have evolved a lot:
nowadays visual norms aren't yesterday norms. That's computer evolution, that's
life, that's change. Music has changed too, hardware is different and all these
changes stop anybody to master everything: we are all in the same "mess". But
experience helps to thwart commercial complexity and get profit from novelty.
I've written my articles with the mindset of an oldskooler. I admit I prefer
the "before" philosophy but I also understand that today the only philosophy
possible for PC coders is the newskooler one: it's too long to do everything
by hand and is in fact impossible with all the different hardware. The result
is good considering this constraint. I'm then more a "console" man than a PC
man: because I'm avid of perfect synchro and constant frames rates...
When it comes to rendering, style, design and such things, well it's taste and
colors and there is no accountancy for taste: it's subjective matters. Those
who create rule the scene. Demomaking is another language, another kind of
expression: I don't have its dictionnary yet.
I admit also beeing quite nervous and anxious: things I don't understand make
me anxious and feared me. The fear of the unknown. I don't understand the
underlaying layers of new technologies and that's why I also don't understand
newskoolish stuff. I admit have asked "tutorials" because of this: I'm a
curious guy and love to learn. And I admit proscratination too: I'm a lazy bone
really.
I admit also my shortcomings in this whole story: I've not been prepared to be "
publicised", and the publication in Hugi of my articles was something quite new.
I've been big-headed too and with stress and verbal assault all this rendered
myself quite mad. Yes I admit to be conceited like Zest showed up and ignorant
like others said.
I also admit been negative a lot: I'm quite depressed during winter usually, I
may not publish anything written during that time. Time and your remarks have
opened my eyes. But I'm not ready to say I'm the only responsible in these
affairs.
Hope to hear from you soon as I'll publish a new article in Hugi 32.
May you will appreciate this new kind of production.
Emmanuel / EP
ps:
Honestly I really appreciate the latest productions from BP 2K6 and others demoparties.
Thank you all for such good prods.
1/ the pouet "incident" : mass spaming of this bbs after London assault
2/ the shocking articles in Hugi
3/ shortcomings in my personality: conceit, negative vision of the scene, ...
For the first I understand this incident has caused my exclusion from pouet and
the disturbance of the information service. That's why I ask now forgiveness :
I wasn't myself after London as terrorist attacks and physical assault get me
exhausted and not patient at all, pouet was like a psychoterapy or a boxing
seance to clear the stress. My behaviour was misplaced however, I avow. I've now
recovered mentally and admit new sceners aren't as bad as they seem at first
sight: I' ve met far more "abnormal" guys and you're definitively better.
Alcool and beer is something normal in several countries while beeing not bad
if consumed with care: this stimulate digestion. I love art and so I love the
scene. I also love the technical side but sadly I've lost the point years ago
with my job as system administrator : we don't care really about gfx card
programming there. As the result I can't judge nowadays quality of code / gfx /
music: I'm not a geek anymore.
The result is that I've wrote shocking articles : I still consider having some
good points but I understand an "unknown" can't impose his views to the scene.
Nobody can impose anything because the scene isn't a democracy or whatever
politicaly talking: it's based on creativity so on freedom.
Technicaly talking coders, newcomers to the scene or simply new sceners, that
is, sceners with " only" 10 years of demomaking didn't have any choice: it's
directx or opengl, nothing else when you want to code on the PC and it's 3D
because 3D is everywhere, 2D is dead because it doesn't sell as much and is no
more on the general trend. 2D tools have disappeared or their 3D counterparts
can do what they do and general technics even in graphism have evolved a lot:
nowadays visual norms aren't yesterday norms. That's computer evolution, that's
life, that's change. Music has changed too, hardware is different and all these
changes stop anybody to master everything: we are all in the same "mess". But
experience helps to thwart commercial complexity and get profit from novelty.
I've written my articles with the mindset of an oldskooler. I admit I prefer
the "before" philosophy but I also understand that today the only philosophy
possible for PC coders is the newskooler one: it's too long to do everything
by hand and is in fact impossible with all the different hardware. The result
is good considering this constraint. I'm then more a "console" man than a PC
man: because I'm avid of perfect synchro and constant frames rates...
When it comes to rendering, style, design and such things, well it's taste and
colors and there is no accountancy for taste: it's subjective matters. Those
who create rule the scene. Demomaking is another language, another kind of
expression: I don't have its dictionnary yet.
I admit also beeing quite nervous and anxious: things I don't understand make
me anxious and feared me. The fear of the unknown. I don't understand the
underlaying layers of new technologies and that's why I also don't understand
newskoolish stuff. I admit have asked "tutorials" because of this: I'm a
curious guy and love to learn. And I admit proscratination too: I'm a lazy bone
really.
I admit also my shortcomings in this whole story: I've not been prepared to be "
publicised", and the publication in Hugi of my articles was something quite new.
I've been big-headed too and with stress and verbal assault all this rendered
myself quite mad. Yes I admit to be conceited like Zest showed up and ignorant
like others said.
I also admit been negative a lot: I'm quite depressed during winter usually, I
may not publish anything written during that time. Time and your remarks have
opened my eyes. But I'm not ready to say I'm the only responsible in these
affairs.
Hope to hear from you soon as I'll publish a new article in Hugi 32.
May you will appreciate this new kind of production.
Emmanuel / EP
ps:
Honestly I really appreciate the latest productions from BP 2K6 and others demoparties.
Thank you all for such good prods.
;{ touchy
This must be a very good Hugi promo :) Who wanna miss EP`s next articles ? :)
i do
...
i hope you will keep on like that, ep.
oh my god - put on some makeup and start a self-deprecating blog already.
and I *really* think you also own excuses to a certain scener...
I repeat, if you knew him personal you would never start flames/hate/whatever coz he is a NICE guy... trully
I repeat, if you knew him personal you would never start flames/hate/whatever coz he is a NICE guy... trully
INDEED - I AM... BUT I FORGIVE YOU EP...AND EVERBODY ELSE..ERR...
[eviL] you surely allude to Dipswitch aka the nowadays pouet's lord? I think to
that kind of apologizes but I require to get few from himself about a really
excessive reading of my first main article: I'm not the resurrection of a mass
murder like Staline was and seeing cows and such kind of things in demos was
not my point in this very same article. We all have seen enough apples and
ducks in some demos years ago, the farm is great when you're in real contact
with, no need to "demoize" it. Really, I hope this point is now clear.
I admit my faults but I must also point that Dipswitch comments where not
outward to my anger : I've suffered my whole boyhood and still now from various
guys like he has described who where my grandfathers, father and others. If
Dipswitch really knows me, he would also surely change his past comprehension.
Kb has pinpoint that it's common to Dipswitch behaviour in Hugi 29 pouet
comments zone. Perhaps but if he wants respect he has to respect others too: I'
m not the kind of person who usually let people change my writings meaning and
slander. I admit however that there was some kind of bad ideas in my first
article and I think he was meaning: "we are free to do what we want, because we
create". I've nothing against that but when the creation is shocking then I
feel hurted and that's why I've wrote my articles too.
The shocking nature of a demo or of anything else was also described in an
article published in Hugi 31 written by preacher. But yes it's difficult to
know what is shocking and what is not. But well, "small hints": death, blood,
sex (when it's not erotic, seduction, romantic based), "ugly, squalor ambiances"
and all kind of violent kind of representations.
I think and it's my point that more you show / represent violence and less
insufferable it becomes: in other words, more you see it and more trivial it
becames. However this "small hints" aren't a general rule: yes artists can stag
bad sides of life and show things other kind of information powers would like
to hinder broadcast: like those controled by governments.
I've hence watched again Kasparov ( as an animation... to replay some parts)
and have seen the "USA" and " control" message. I've understood what Elite
group and others wanted to express: the fact USA control the world. I agree
with this message : I've canceled my MCSE and M$ studies for political reasons
because I don't want to give money to companies who give money by their
imposition to American government and who are involved in Irak war in a way or
another. I don't support a country government where bullets make Z and kill a
president, nor I support terrorism which is fed by west countries, USA the
first.
I come to the scene at first because the hidden truths behind a demo, aka the
mathematic / physic side and the mindset which comes with was attractive. I
hence became something like a rebel: because when you become intelligent by
solving maths problems, you analyse everything in life and hence see things and
nuances others don't. I didn't came for political reasons but in reality this
mindset push me to became more scientific and having a critic point of view
about anything while remaining objective. These hidden truths are contained in
what we call the technical philosophy and it can be really fun: butterfly
effect, seeing a car "dancing" by changing various parameters in its deadening
equation.
The artistic side was also very attractive and is still surely. Art is a
language but its known that artists are not very well understood: emotions aren'
t something as controlable as word is and what art deal with is emotion.
Pictures, musics, moves, generates in the mind of people various kind of
emotion: you feel it a way but I feel it another way, everybody have it's own
sensitivity. That's why I've not made any selection while I was watching all
those demos who has hurted me: I didn't even noticed that demos were classified
before! Because Picasso is Picasso and worth Picasso, Monet is Monet and I can'
t compare Picasso to Monet: they are not of the same style, it's hence
subjective if you love more one than another.
The very same things appear for demos. I can only compare a coding compo: Coder
A has displayed Z dots on a machine X using formula abc, but coder B has
diplayed Z + 100 dots on the very same machine using the same formula so code
from B is better, more optimized than code from A. But nowadays those kind of
compo aren't there anymore: the effect trends has disappeared. And OMG it's
good too: seeing always the very same effects became annoying on the end. It's
now more creative hence more " messy", chaos generates more creativity, that's
a perk.
Apart from endless matter subject to deep thinking scene brings me a balance
between the scientific and literary minds. The philosophy emerging from all
that was the discovery by my experience in 1999 that everything in life is
mathematic. Maths like French or English or Music or Art is a language and
nature's laws to some extend can be expressed by maths like trajectory of a
comet. It can express certain things with clarity, and numbers eradicate any
kind of subjectivity while bringing accuracy. But Math is not yet applicable to
emotion, feelings and such kind of things: these cannot be encompassed by
numbers but by words and only to some extend. The ultimate language, I mean the
ultimate memory system hasn't been released yet. Language = memory because
language can set things for eternity hence is memory.
Another kind of benefit the scene brings apart long and fruitful meditation is
exchange, sociability. I mean why a so "math" minded a coder is find attractive
in dealing with a graphist, a musician or anybody else? He finds differences
and these differences gives him something: wealth. Of course the same appear
for others in the group: the musician, the graphist and even those around like
organizers, "ex-swappers", ... The whole meaning in fact is to create something
together : like several atoms make a molecule.
And not all atoms link to make molecules: this require sinequanone conditions.
This lead us to the idea of network and in a network we need good communication
to be well linked. That's why I wasn't happy about Geble's understanding of my
article because he has totally blasted the main ideas. However I admit again
that few points where important for the scene spirit but if I would have to
make my autocritic I would not have deal with them this way. I've understood
anyway that what we refer to as the scene was not at all the same things.
I'm getting old writing so long texts, whatever what is important is that
everybody in the scene find what he wants provided he is happy with and brings
happiness to others. So on the end hope everything finish with an happy end.
that kind of apologizes but I require to get few from himself about a really
excessive reading of my first main article: I'm not the resurrection of a mass
murder like Staline was and seeing cows and such kind of things in demos was
not my point in this very same article. We all have seen enough apples and
ducks in some demos years ago, the farm is great when you're in real contact
with, no need to "demoize" it. Really, I hope this point is now clear.
I admit my faults but I must also point that Dipswitch comments where not
outward to my anger : I've suffered my whole boyhood and still now from various
guys like he has described who where my grandfathers, father and others. If
Dipswitch really knows me, he would also surely change his past comprehension.
Kb has pinpoint that it's common to Dipswitch behaviour in Hugi 29 pouet
comments zone. Perhaps but if he wants respect he has to respect others too: I'
m not the kind of person who usually let people change my writings meaning and
slander. I admit however that there was some kind of bad ideas in my first
article and I think he was meaning: "we are free to do what we want, because we
create". I've nothing against that but when the creation is shocking then I
feel hurted and that's why I've wrote my articles too.
The shocking nature of a demo or of anything else was also described in an
article published in Hugi 31 written by preacher. But yes it's difficult to
know what is shocking and what is not. But well, "small hints": death, blood,
sex (when it's not erotic, seduction, romantic based), "ugly, squalor ambiances"
and all kind of violent kind of representations.
I think and it's my point that more you show / represent violence and less
insufferable it becomes: in other words, more you see it and more trivial it
becames. However this "small hints" aren't a general rule: yes artists can stag
bad sides of life and show things other kind of information powers would like
to hinder broadcast: like those controled by governments.
I've hence watched again Kasparov ( as an animation... to replay some parts)
and have seen the "USA" and " control" message. I've understood what Elite
group and others wanted to express: the fact USA control the world. I agree
with this message : I've canceled my MCSE and M$ studies for political reasons
because I don't want to give money to companies who give money by their
imposition to American government and who are involved in Irak war in a way or
another. I don't support a country government where bullets make Z and kill a
president, nor I support terrorism which is fed by west countries, USA the
first.
I come to the scene at first because the hidden truths behind a demo, aka the
mathematic / physic side and the mindset which comes with was attractive. I
hence became something like a rebel: because when you become intelligent by
solving maths problems, you analyse everything in life and hence see things and
nuances others don't. I didn't came for political reasons but in reality this
mindset push me to became more scientific and having a critic point of view
about anything while remaining objective. These hidden truths are contained in
what we call the technical philosophy and it can be really fun: butterfly
effect, seeing a car "dancing" by changing various parameters in its deadening
equation.
The artistic side was also very attractive and is still surely. Art is a
language but its known that artists are not very well understood: emotions aren'
t something as controlable as word is and what art deal with is emotion.
Pictures, musics, moves, generates in the mind of people various kind of
emotion: you feel it a way but I feel it another way, everybody have it's own
sensitivity. That's why I've not made any selection while I was watching all
those demos who has hurted me: I didn't even noticed that demos were classified
before! Because Picasso is Picasso and worth Picasso, Monet is Monet and I can'
t compare Picasso to Monet: they are not of the same style, it's hence
subjective if you love more one than another.
The very same things appear for demos. I can only compare a coding compo: Coder
A has displayed Z dots on a machine X using formula abc, but coder B has
diplayed Z + 100 dots on the very same machine using the same formula so code
from B is better, more optimized than code from A. But nowadays those kind of
compo aren't there anymore: the effect trends has disappeared. And OMG it's
good too: seeing always the very same effects became annoying on the end. It's
now more creative hence more " messy", chaos generates more creativity, that's
a perk.
Apart from endless matter subject to deep thinking scene brings me a balance
between the scientific and literary minds. The philosophy emerging from all
that was the discovery by my experience in 1999 that everything in life is
mathematic. Maths like French or English or Music or Art is a language and
nature's laws to some extend can be expressed by maths like trajectory of a
comet. It can express certain things with clarity, and numbers eradicate any
kind of subjectivity while bringing accuracy. But Math is not yet applicable to
emotion, feelings and such kind of things: these cannot be encompassed by
numbers but by words and only to some extend. The ultimate language, I mean the
ultimate memory system hasn't been released yet. Language = memory because
language can set things for eternity hence is memory.
Another kind of benefit the scene brings apart long and fruitful meditation is
exchange, sociability. I mean why a so "math" minded a coder is find attractive
in dealing with a graphist, a musician or anybody else? He finds differences
and these differences gives him something: wealth. Of course the same appear
for others in the group: the musician, the graphist and even those around like
organizers, "ex-swappers", ... The whole meaning in fact is to create something
together : like several atoms make a molecule.
And not all atoms link to make molecules: this require sinequanone conditions.
This lead us to the idea of network and in a network we need good communication
to be well linked. That's why I wasn't happy about Geble's understanding of my
article because he has totally blasted the main ideas. However I admit again
that few points where important for the scene spirit but if I would have to
make my autocritic I would not have deal with them this way. I've understood
anyway that what we refer to as the scene was not at all the same things.
I'm getting old writing so long texts, whatever what is important is that
everybody in the scene find what he wants provided he is happy with and brings
happiness to others. So on the end hope everything finish with an happy end.
hi ep,
if dipswitch is today's pouet lord is because he put a lot of his time on it, because he is active and loves demoscene
I mean, others could have added shitloads of productions here, it's not he rushed and did it, but has been added them trough time
that could be me or you, think about it :)
and I'm glad you admit your faults, that's the way to go because menacing other people isn't a nice thing to do
I hope those excuses matter can be solved after all...
if dipswitch is today's pouet lord is because he put a lot of his time on it, because he is active and loves demoscene
I mean, others could have added shitloads of productions here, it's not he rushed and did it, but has been added them trough time
that could be me or you, think about it :)
and I'm glad you admit your faults, that's the way to go because menacing other people isn't a nice thing to do
I hope those excuses matter can be solved after all...
^_^
too long to read !
to make it short, you want to release something ?
to make it short, you want to release something ?
I TAKE THIS VERY SERIOUS AND I WONDER...I HAD A FRIEND WHO CODED STUFF ON C64..HE USED TO SMOKE HIS OWN SHIT AND VOMIT IN HIS CRACKPIPE...IS THERE A CHANCE HE COULD WRITE AN ARTICLE FOR HUGI ?
what willbe said..
and: ep, i'm waiting for your apologizes for putting my email accounts (private, business and pain) to vast amounts of mailinglists and spam distribution lists and shit like that. also, i want you to instantly remove my email-adress and every reference to my name from your lame article at angelfire.com. then we can talk about "accepting excuses" again. thank you for your co-operation.
and: ep, i'm waiting for your apologizes for putting my email accounts (private, business and pain) to vast amounts of mailinglists and spam distribution lists and shit like that. also, i want you to instantly remove my email-adress and every reference to my name from your lame article at angelfire.com. then we can talk about "accepting excuses" again. thank you for your co-operation.
how can dipswitch be the pouet lord? Nobody can impose anything because the scene isn't a democracy or whatever politicaly talking: it's based on creativity so on freedom.
Hollowman: please remember that pouet.net!=scene.
Dipswitch is "only" the guy who's 1st at pouet.net glop-rating.
Therefore he can be considered as "the pouet lord".
Dipswitch is "only" the guy who's 1st at pouet.net glop-rating.
Therefore he can be considered as "the pouet lord".
blabla culpa
gee, i haven't seen dispwitch post on pouet since... ionno, but it has been quite a long time.
i like the smoke in combination with the no smoking sign under it! ;)
Yo, funny! =D
offtopic: smoke kills visuals.
smoke kills.