Demoscene and hyperfocus
category: general [glöplog]
Recently I had this realization, how I struggle to keep focusing on bigger projects like gamedev or building complete software, while I prefer to stick to small or bigger demos, but how these demos are throw-away code and not something like a long project to continue working for months or years. It's especially apparent when at times I am not even trying to create something bigger but rely on releasing those tiny 256b intros as they are throwaways in an evening just for the instant thrill of seeing my work on a compo. Maybe demoscene fits to me because of this instant gratification with small releases, I don't know.
But it hit me why I can never finish something bigger. I see other homebrew game devs, some of them are also related to demoscene, they will code, even make art and release complete games in 3-6 months or a year. Some bigger project has someone working for several years and continue developing a mega project that I've never imagined I could keep working on one thing so long.
Now, I went back to work on some previous years 3DO game engine (the Bizarro Untergrund engine as I call it in my youtube vids), I tried to focus and maybe finish the important parts. I had few realizations. Demoscene is too easy compared to other pieces of software. It's hard from algorithm/mathematics/optimization's perspective but it's putting focus on small things, optimizing that core routine, not caring about memory leaks. The last one I figured out, when I realized how much work has to be done to carefully free all allocated resources when you finish a level, when you spawn entities, when things interact all kinds of weird stuff that you haven't seen can happen. It's way harder and needs more focus than allocating stuff for few effects, running the effects in a scripted manner, exiting the applications and no need to care about memory management or unintended user interaction. But anyway, that's what keeps me, because I realize I don't have experience on game projects like that (let alone when I reach the point where I'll also have to make the game fun or interesting to play, zero experience, despite playing video games, I think I will hit a wall).
And then I thought of something else. If I am lazy and can't focus, why do I put so much effort in optimizing something to the very end, coming later days and figuring out faster solutions and still feel it's not enough, when most will just throw away the first solution, maybe run some profiler and decide that it's done? But it has to do with hyperfocus. Something that for some reason really interests me and there is some perceived gratification if I do some change and get faster performance out of an idea I had or micro-optimizing and such. But when it's time to leave that and build more stuff and connect them together, it's a struggle. So, this hyperfocus on what interests might be hypofocus on others that don't, while other devs would have more equal spread of time over all parts of a project.
Maybe I just describe ADHD by other words. Never diagnosed, I don't think it like that. I think I just hyperfocus too much on certain aspects of demoscene, demos are easy throwaway code and the real deal is in bigger projects where at least on my own I struggle to focus for long periods of time.
I wonder how much prominent this is with other sceners and if maybe reason demoscene exists is because it's a platform for such kinds of mini projects, tech demos, showcases of things from people who have hard time to focus on big software?
But it hit me why I can never finish something bigger. I see other homebrew game devs, some of them are also related to demoscene, they will code, even make art and release complete games in 3-6 months or a year. Some bigger project has someone working for several years and continue developing a mega project that I've never imagined I could keep working on one thing so long.
Now, I went back to work on some previous years 3DO game engine (the Bizarro Untergrund engine as I call it in my youtube vids), I tried to focus and maybe finish the important parts. I had few realizations. Demoscene is too easy compared to other pieces of software. It's hard from algorithm/mathematics/optimization's perspective but it's putting focus on small things, optimizing that core routine, not caring about memory leaks. The last one I figured out, when I realized how much work has to be done to carefully free all allocated resources when you finish a level, when you spawn entities, when things interact all kinds of weird stuff that you haven't seen can happen. It's way harder and needs more focus than allocating stuff for few effects, running the effects in a scripted manner, exiting the applications and no need to care about memory management or unintended user interaction. But anyway, that's what keeps me, because I realize I don't have experience on game projects like that (let alone when I reach the point where I'll also have to make the game fun or interesting to play, zero experience, despite playing video games, I think I will hit a wall).
And then I thought of something else. If I am lazy and can't focus, why do I put so much effort in optimizing something to the very end, coming later days and figuring out faster solutions and still feel it's not enough, when most will just throw away the first solution, maybe run some profiler and decide that it's done? But it has to do with hyperfocus. Something that for some reason really interests me and there is some perceived gratification if I do some change and get faster performance out of an idea I had or micro-optimizing and such. But when it's time to leave that and build more stuff and connect them together, it's a struggle. So, this hyperfocus on what interests might be hypofocus on others that don't, while other devs would have more equal spread of time over all parts of a project.
Maybe I just describe ADHD by other words. Never diagnosed, I don't think it like that. I think I just hyperfocus too much on certain aspects of demoscene, demos are easy throwaway code and the real deal is in bigger projects where at least on my own I struggle to focus for long periods of time.
I wonder how much prominent this is with other sceners and if maybe reason demoscene exists is because it's a platform for such kinds of mini projects, tech demos, showcases of things from people who have hard time to focus on big software?
a lot of people in general prefer short term projects because it's something that can be closed down and get instant gratification. it's generally more rewarding to close down things then to keep working on them forever. until you compare that work with something with more effort invested.
don't think demoscene is particularly more focused in that then the rest of the world / creative industries.
in painting you can do a large mural or a small doodle.
in writing you can write an epic or short poem.
in hobbies you can choose the scope of your project, bigger or short, at work you usually cannot choose and typically you end up working on lengthier projects (or very repetitive ones that can't be automated yet). which is a problem for motivation in itself but maybe that's another topic for another day.
there are techniques to turn long term projects into something more worth tackling in short term. that's why we have project management and project planning. you break down the big ass long project into achievable chunks of work time and just tackle them one at a time and celebrate each one. the main problem is not losing your focus in the long term goal, which a lot of people seem to struggle with.
more often then not these large individual projects take longer time to complete and if it's a hobby it's likelier it'll never see the light of day, depending on how "real life" treats you. so it's rather common that people take on less of those kind of projects and that a lot of them don't really come to fruition, you also see less of them from other people. you need to be motivated for long periods of time to see them through, and not get interrupted by other project ideas steamrolling them to oblivion. i've heard from people with ADHD that that makes long term projects almost impossible to take on, for some people.
one trick people use is to keep working on a larger engine (or specific tools for content creation) throughout their smaller projects (sometimes the smaller projects are experiences for the know-how required that helps push the larger project along). and/or then recycle their code for the larger projects, so the larger project actually doesn't take as long to put together as if you were doing everything from scratch, but took a lot of time building up to the point where it's now possible to execute it as if it was a small project.
you have to sit down and somewhat plan that development cycle in some way though and/or adapt your larger project to what you been messing around with. i recommend sitting down to revisit all the things you been working on on past couple of years and then take a look at the list of all long term project ideas you ever had that you might still want to accomplish someday. and then see where they overlap and what things you need to work on to reach the large project. and sometimes it's not worth it to tackle an old large project anymore because a more interesting one came along now and it's more achievable with the know-how you now have. but that session of just sitting down and taking a macro overlook to what you would like to do and where you're at in achieving it is important to take every few months or so.
still, it's all a hobby, if you just have more fun doing small projects, just do more small projects.
don't think demoscene is particularly more focused in that then the rest of the world / creative industries.
in painting you can do a large mural or a small doodle.
in writing you can write an epic or short poem.
in hobbies you can choose the scope of your project, bigger or short, at work you usually cannot choose and typically you end up working on lengthier projects (or very repetitive ones that can't be automated yet). which is a problem for motivation in itself but maybe that's another topic for another day.
there are techniques to turn long term projects into something more worth tackling in short term. that's why we have project management and project planning. you break down the big ass long project into achievable chunks of work time and just tackle them one at a time and celebrate each one. the main problem is not losing your focus in the long term goal, which a lot of people seem to struggle with.
more often then not these large individual projects take longer time to complete and if it's a hobby it's likelier it'll never see the light of day, depending on how "real life" treats you. so it's rather common that people take on less of those kind of projects and that a lot of them don't really come to fruition, you also see less of them from other people. you need to be motivated for long periods of time to see them through, and not get interrupted by other project ideas steamrolling them to oblivion. i've heard from people with ADHD that that makes long term projects almost impossible to take on, for some people.
one trick people use is to keep working on a larger engine (or specific tools for content creation) throughout their smaller projects (sometimes the smaller projects are experiences for the know-how required that helps push the larger project along). and/or then recycle their code for the larger projects, so the larger project actually doesn't take as long to put together as if you were doing everything from scratch, but took a lot of time building up to the point where it's now possible to execute it as if it was a small project.
you have to sit down and somewhat plan that development cycle in some way though and/or adapt your larger project to what you been messing around with. i recommend sitting down to revisit all the things you been working on on past couple of years and then take a look at the list of all long term project ideas you ever had that you might still want to accomplish someday. and then see where they overlap and what things you need to work on to reach the large project. and sometimes it's not worth it to tackle an old large project anymore because a more interesting one came along now and it's more achievable with the know-how you now have. but that session of just sitting down and taking a macro overlook to what you would like to do and where you're at in achieving it is important to take every few months or so.
still, it's all a hobby, if you just have more fun doing small projects, just do more small projects.
On today's episode of Pouet: Optimus discovers the demoscene ;)
The demoscene is hacker art, which tells everything about it. The original meaning of "to hack" is to carve wood crudely with an ax. It's also a leisure, a hobby. This means we do it on whatever scale we find entertaining, and spend whatever time we want to spend with it.
The nature of this hobby attracts individuals with high intelligence. Such a trait often comes with mental imbalance. ADHD may be one. Some of us are autists, some bipolar, and I don't think I could even begin to list the entire menu. The typical demoscener has always been a bit of a social outcast, in one way or another.
The result is a very diverse community with equally diverse work ethics. Some indeed kludge together some code to show it off, and call it a day. And we appreciate it. Other spend months, if not years, on meticulously optimizing something. We appreciate that too.
The core of your question is whether the demoscene is an outlet for creative people who don't have the patience for larger projects. Yes, there are such people among us.
The demoscene is hacker art, which tells everything about it. The original meaning of "to hack" is to carve wood crudely with an ax. It's also a leisure, a hobby. This means we do it on whatever scale we find entertaining, and spend whatever time we want to spend with it.
The nature of this hobby attracts individuals with high intelligence. Such a trait often comes with mental imbalance. ADHD may be one. Some of us are autists, some bipolar, and I don't think I could even begin to list the entire menu. The typical demoscener has always been a bit of a social outcast, in one way or another.
The result is a very diverse community with equally diverse work ethics. Some indeed kludge together some code to show it off, and call it a day. And we appreciate it. Other spend months, if not years, on meticulously optimizing something. We appreciate that too.
The core of your question is whether the demoscene is an outlet for creative people who don't have the patience for larger projects. Yes, there are such people among us.
This article may be relevant here.
https://blog.jsbarretto.com/post/software-is-joy
https://blog.jsbarretto.com/post/software-is-joy
For me, a healthy recipe is to have one or two long-term projects where I prioritize good design and clean code. At the same time, whenever I have an idea, I work on small stuff, do a small prototype on a side, a small fun problem.
And it was never an issue for me to focus on those things.
The issue is with all other distractions around: streaming services, youtube, online discussions (like pouet), family-related responsibilities, daily job etc... that I would say what everyone should be really aiming to cut (whenever possible).
And it was never an issue for me to focus on those things.
The issue is with all other distractions around: streaming services, youtube, online discussions (like pouet), family-related responsibilities, daily job etc... that I would say what everyone should be really aiming to cut (whenever possible).
Humans are really good at concentrating and spending a long time doing things they like.
It feels really uncomfortable the way we (culturally, I mean) need to invoke medicalised/psychological language such as "hyperfocus" to describe someone enjoying concentrating on one thing for extended periods. There should be nothing remarkable about this. All art forms across history and cultures have to one extent or another relied on this. Terms like this tell us nothing about people and how their minds work, and everything about the expectations and constraints of the cultures we're part of.
It feels really uncomfortable the way we (culturally, I mean) need to invoke medicalised/psychological language such as "hyperfocus" to describe someone enjoying concentrating on one thing for extended periods. There should be nothing remarkable about this. All art forms across history and cultures have to one extent or another relied on this. Terms like this tell us nothing about people and how their minds work, and everything about the expectations and constraints of the cultures we're part of.
Somehow all my project end up in éoh I should write a tool for this" and I always pick the worst platforms where there is no C compiler, no tool to convert images, etc. It's to the point that I'm maintaining the Haiku operating system for 15+ years now (with other people who like long term projects), and often porting tools to haiku where I could just use another more mature OS requires a lot of my time.
On one side I am enjoying such work and feeling that I bring something nice and useful to the world of computer software.
On the other side, I envy people who can make quick and simple releases in an afternoon or a few days, and not get distracted and fall into a rabbit hole of problems to solve.
On one side I am enjoying such work and feeling that I bring something nice and useful to the world of computer software.
On the other side, I envy people who can make quick and simple releases in an afternoon or a few days, and not get distracted and fall into a rabbit hole of problems to solve.
