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Going to parties with a social phobia

category: parties [glöplog]
yeah, i think i was among those =)
added on the 2016-01-26 17:29:28 by dipswitch dipswitch
I'm a big fan of name tags and often bring sheets of stickers and felt pens for people to use. This removes a lot of the awkwardness when meeting people for the first time in years. For example I doubt Slummy would have recognized me at Revision a few years back if I didn't have my big name tag on my back. Other to me unknown people came up to me and started talking about stuff I made in the 90's. This actually happens quite often, and would be very unprobable if I didn't have my name tag. One little name tag can change the whole weekend. It's pretty normal to not know how people look in this community.

I get that this is not for everybody, and there is of course the option to go anonymously to the party, but unless you have a beef with someone I think you're really missing out.

Most of us are just happy to meet so if you see me at a party, come on over and say hi, but please put on a name tag first. :)
added on the 2016-01-26 17:39:48 by wasp wasp
a tshirt with your nickname on it also helps. and no, that wasnt vanity! well, maybe a little bit.. maali has such a sexy ring to it ;)
Now, seriously, there is no reason to be scared in a party full of demosceners. Though I can understand a phobia to being lost inside a bunch of gamers.

Half of the pleasure to attend demoparties is to be able to talk about demos and meet new friends. The other half, of course, is to participate in the compos with new stuff, preferably done before the party because partycoding sucks. :)
added on the 2016-01-26 18:46:01 by ham ham
Quote:
what actually is the most challenging thing at parties these days (to me at least) is this huge "grey area" of sceners you know you should know but cant quite recall their name/handle or what you were talking about the last time you met.
that makes for some pretty emberassing situations here and there but in the end its all good because i saw it happen to others just as well ;)


had a recurring situation of hanging out with polish sceners who recognized me from previous years partying and were happily chatting and sharing their vodka with me and after many hours ask what my nickname and group actually was :D which was mostly funny couz it happened 3 years in a row with the same people :)

also about the nametags, i recall a scene event where we went around stealing each others name tags, i think ile at some point had like 20 of them and none of them was his own.
added on the 2016-01-26 19:00:16 by psenough psenough
Just get nametags that read "You won't remember what my name is later anyway" and "If you read this, take a drink" :)

Anyway, @Factor6 I think if you know a few people, at least online, who are going to the party you decide to visit first it'll help. The first demoparty I went to was Revision 2013 and I only knew a few people online through [the new] Nectarine who were also going. I found a spot and asked if it was alright to sit there and was prepared to camp out there until the other Nectarines got online and said "hey, we're two tables up" so off I went. :) We've been sitting together for the past three years.

Now, I know it's been a while since I've specifically mentioned these words (you can reset the counter, Gargaj) but the first year I went I also had some key fobs I made that I let people know about and they tried to find me. I got to talk, at least for a short bit, with some people and it gave me something to talk about. (I later wandered around and gave the remainder out to whoever I passed by.) I don't mean to suggest you should do that but as long as you've got something to talk about that you and others are both interested in then you should be fine. Sometimes small talk is hard, yes, so anything to skip it...
I think that Factor6 has already attended some parties. At least I remember him from Breakpoint 2009 or 2010.
added on the 2016-01-26 19:22:26 by ham ham
As mentioned above it's good that everybody actually knows what a demo party is about. So there is always something to have chat about since there is some sort of connection that helps a lot :)
Going to demoparties was very hard and awkward for me as well in the beginning.
Releasing stuff helped (even shitty releases) - and especially becoming an orga at some point.
Suddenly you get to know a ton of people.
added on the 2016-01-26 20:25:56 by v3nom v3nom
Btw. we're still in search for infoteam-members at revision.
*hint hint*
added on the 2016-01-26 20:27:44 by v3nom v3nom
Yep, releasing stuff helped me a ton as well, got me from knowing no one to knowing at least a small amount of sceners. :)

I don't have any social phobia, I'm just a bit introvert. But the impression from demoparties that most sceners know most other sceners for like an eternity aleady makes it a bit hard for me to approach people. It's like this stranger disturbing a family meeting...
added on the 2016-01-26 20:37:29 by Kylearan Kylearan
I am also a bit worried about this from a slightly different point of view. I wish to visit some european parties but I don't really know anybody. Also since I am from Australia I am concerned about language and cultural/social differences. I don't want to look like an ignorant person because I can't pronounce peoples names correctly, or say something stupid or offensive which causes an awkward situation. It would be a very expensive trip just to stand around by myself.
added on the 2016-01-26 21:03:11 by drift drift
@drift: in your case I'd say you'll be totally fine, and I bet you won't be able to offend somebody if you're not purposefully being an asshole to people. The cultural differences are not that major in the end. Source: worked with Australian people and people from New Zealand for years.
added on the 2016-01-26 21:13:35 by visy visy
Also @Kylerean you'll be always welcome in the SECRET TEMPLE OF ATARI VCS DEMOMAKERS, we gather at midnight (wear a wizard cloak).
added on the 2016-01-26 21:15:02 by visy visy
@drift, dude, if going by stereotypes I'm the ignorant American and I did pretty well. :) I think you'd probably do just fine. For Germany just remember to have coins for the public restrooms and that eingang is entrance, ausgang is exit . :P

But seriously though people are forgiving if you you try and aren't purposely being a jerk.
Quote:

had a recurring situation of hanging out with polish sceners who recognized me from previous years partying and were happily chatting and sharing their vodka with me and after many hours ask what my nickname and group actually was :D


We'll be more than happy to continue that cycle 4th year in row! JOIN US! :D
added on the 2016-01-26 21:21:38 by argasek argasek
I don't have social anxiety in a sense that I would be too scared that it would prevent me from going somewhere, but when I get to party place I'm usually quite scared (especially if I'm alone then I'm kind of terrified). However, I usually manage to get somewhat over that by just settling down to somewhere and being alone for awhile just doing my own things, observing and getting used to the place or by finding people who I know. Although it still takes me enormous amounts of energy to go to speak someone that I don't know (and that is why I rarely do that). I do like meeting people, but it's just not that easy.

What V3nom said about contributing by making demos or being part of the organizer team helps too. I think that at the first party I ever attended I was working at info desk... It's just less scary when you have something to do and some kind of justification for attending (even though you don't need one).
added on the 2016-01-26 21:21:58 by rimina rimina
(I do actually try to keep up with world news, but that doesn't mean I'm any better at small talk with it. Hehe.)
there is some good stuff from mother nature called Kava.
i tested it roughly 15 years ago and it is save and working in contradiction to what the pharma lobby is claiming - for obvious reasons. ;)

maybe this stuff can help the one or the other.
added on the 2016-01-26 22:47:00 by gentleman gentleman
Cava surely helps.
added on the 2016-01-26 23:27:41 by Marq Marq
don't know if i should be surprised no one has suggested mdma yet
added on the 2016-01-27 00:59:31 by aegis aegis
Sounds familiar. We always make excuses for not showing up in some event.
added on the 2016-01-27 09:32:07 by Vousti Vousti
Quote:
But the impression from demoparties that most sceners know most other sceners for like an eternity aleady makes it a bit hard for me to approach people. It's like this stranger disturbing a family meeting...


Thousand times that. And in addition I am an introvert and have a social phobia, too =) Took me some time to write here even...

Quote:
Releasing stuff helped (even shitty releases) - and especially becoming an orga at some point.


Releasing stuff didn't help me, but becoming an orga did somehow. "Somehow" because at the parties where I'm not an orga I still feel like a stranger and question what am I doing here even most the time.
And yeah, at my first ever demoparty I was an orga and didn't know much about the scene to begin with. Some friends just asked me to help with organization. I didn't have much understanding of what's going on and quickly made myself busy with some Partymeister stuff I was happy to learn on the spot.

So yeah, reading all those success stories like "I am an introvert and scared of people, but once I came to this friendly-friendly atmosphere, it all ended up great" I just wanted to say that it's not like that for everyone. Some people still feel alienated and scared throughout the whole party, not just when entering the hall for the first time....
added on the 2016-01-27 12:01:40 by draugven draugven
Quote:
Releasing stuff didn't help me, but becoming an orga did somehow. "Somehow" because at the parties where I'm not an orga I still feel like a stranger and question what am I doing here even most the time.

Everyone needs some sort of purpose, for some it's demomaking, for some it's partymaking. If it's any consolation, I often feel the same, and I've done enough of both.
added on the 2016-01-27 12:46:32 by Gargaj Gargaj
I'm fighting with it for all my life. I found out that I need a little help from the other side. On one side I'm mostly calm and shy but on the other side I feel that a demoparty is the right place to open myself. Of course, nobody can know 1000 people, even remember their faces, but I guess some ppl I know from pouet or the IRC or whatever could be those who can put the first impulse into the contact. Then it's much better, but the start almost hurts.

I agree that releasing stuff helps a lot with this, at least there is a theme to talk about with randomly-met-known-people :)
Sometimes I met someone, knew his nick, but didn't know what to talk about with him! Imagine, you meet a scener you know from a demo or you're involved with him somehow, he's been in your group years ago, etc. But you meet him - what a shock - and you're like paralyzed by electricity - you don't know what to say, can't even remember anything. This is bad and it happens to me every time.

My first big party was Symmek2001. When I entered the party hall for the first time I just said to myself: Whoah! This is the thing I'm living for, this is the reason of my whole life! (well, I cought cold and the party wasn't the best, but this moment was most significant) The second big one was BP2009 and when I won the oldschool music, it helped a lot. And btw. met knoeki there, which was a good moment, too. So yes, for me, the beginning is always even worse than bad and there must be some reaction from the opposite side to help beating the barrier. Sometimes alcohol was the only thing that worked for this, but since I don't drink alcohol for several years (and I don't miss it), it'd be nice to find better "tool" for this :)

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