I quit the scene.
category: general [glöplog]
jeenio: when HE tells me, not some random portugese scener who I don't even KNOW or have ever MET. I mean, who ARE you anyway?
Quote:
.. portugese scener ..
was that on purpose? =)
oh pretty please don't quit the scene! OPTIMUS YOU ARE BEST DEMOSCENER EVER!!! L0L0L0L!!! MABY ADRKO CAN INTERVIEW YTOU TO HUGI!!! THEN YOU BE FAMOUZZZ!!
If optimus' quits the scene I will stamp on a kitten at demozone and release it as a wildentry! YOU HEAR ME!
the army is killing the scene!
optimus leaves for the armyscene...!
:/
:/
In Soviet Russia, the scene quits YOU!
On the internet, you can never ever outrun any catchphrase ever again!
(I swear I will kill the next person to refer Chuck Norris to me.. I swear to fucking God....)
(I swear I will kill the next person to refer Chuck Norris to me.. I swear to fucking God....)
Okkie: Why not go to the source and just kill Chuck Norris? :)
Ah Optimus, you're probably a good 14.7% of Pouet. Where there is demo critique, there is Optimus. Stay around, keep the asbestos suit on for the flames and keeping doing what you do.
If you're sick of it, have a break. But do come back.
If you're sick of it, have a break. But do come back.
I am sorry yago about that. It's not your fault. I didn't said I didn't agreed with your comment, I said this was just the trigger to remember my past and make sad connections to what I thought I am that day. It's noone's fault. I even sort of agree with your post (great coders can be big assholes too). The trigger could be just about anything else. And the katze was just a trigger too. But not the cause!
Quit is harsh to say. Maybe retire inactive. But I know I'll be here. But quit? I couldn't stand when Pouet was down! Quit Pouet then? Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't for some reasons I am meditating upon this now..
I was sad for 3 days and the next day I had my nerves.
Maybe the whole equation in everything that happens here and in my life is something I discovered recently (about a month ago) about myself. Somehow I decided to share it here although I have my fears about people doubting this thing exists on me. It may explain much about myself though. It does explain especially to myself.
I'll take the risk to explain myself..
I've always been miserable and some people thought that's because I don't have a girlfriend, a life or anything. I even attributed to the fact that I am living in my parents and I can't stand it anymore, so I am not good psychologically because of that. But the root of the problem wasn't any of these! Those were the triggers. What if I was overanalyzing all these things and thus making me more sad? What if those ruminations were the triggers to make me feel bad? But why was I insisting doing that?
In the past, especially in my childhood, there was a thing I was calling "bug of my mind" or "my demon". It made me really sad but nobody knew because everything was happening inside my mind. Unwanted thoughts insisted bugging me, usually of violent, sexual or religious kind. Thoughts that are invalid to my personality and made me feel so bad about myself. How could I insist thinking of such bad stuff if I don't approve these things? And as long as I tried to fight such thoughts, the more they attacked back at me. "Just stop making these thoughts!" you would say. But it was impossible in my case! Till I discovered it must be some wicked mechanism in my mind that makes this ugly thing possible.
I had really identified that thing, analyzed it's mechanism, decided that maybe I have to go the opposite but painful way to trick the mechanism. 2-3 years I tried that. The suffering was reduced. I almost forgot I have this thing. Till I discovered something accidentally from wikipedia that was really identical to what I had (even the mechanism analyzation I did alone in how the thoughts tricked me into that sick game and even the idea I had about counterattacking it in the opposite yet painful way I would normally do to avoid it's thoughts were exactly the same explained!) and thought at first nobody else must know what that is or have it!
To come fast to a point, I am really sure that I am suffering from Pure OCD.
My first fear is someone doubting me or thinking I am faking a disorder to just get attention. Ok, some people might alert me because they'd think I've read about a disorder and in my imagination I identified to that. It's not the case. I am always sceptical about anything and never did the mistake to identify depression or autism to myself. I was quite strict into that! But with the case of my childhood it came back that I really had something inside me (In the past, I was crying alone and thinking "this can't be normal!"), about which I found it's named that and there are other people with the similar thing. I was just living alone in silence and didn't bothered to tell to anyone either because they'd most probably say "thoughts are thoughts, you have no problem at all!" or at worst they'd think I am a pervert and sick bastard for making such thoughts.
So, I am really sure about that, became extremely defendive to everyone who might doubt me (but I allow you if you have a diferrent opinion, though I'll reply with huge texts to a possible objection), because it's the first time in my life everything makes sense for me.
And while the thought attacks are supposed to be not necessary of real life worries (you will find some examples of few of them and how cleverly the wicked mechanism traps me), I am trying to see how the similar mechanism affected me in real life too. Since I have identified this recently, I try to sense and analyze my hard feelings in realtime exactly when they happen and really identify that much more things than the above can be cause because of my Pure OCD. For some it explains also my passion, ubernalyzing, big texts, break downs I have here, trying to excuse myself all the time, etc. So, I am currently try to see except from the non reallife thoughts I am preety sure they are my OCD, if I was affected in other parts of my life. And I am sure I was. Several things are explained. For example, the scene is a big spike (spikes are the triggers to unwanted thoughts) because I have lived it for a long and with no so nice feelings. That's why it makes me sad. Not because it sucks! I get negative triggers everywhere, in the scene, being with some people, with girls, exams, at home, etc. But those things are not the cause. The pure OCD is.
Also, I don't remember having something like the regular OCD with external rituals (uberwashing, checking several times, etc). My own OCD was totally inside my mind, it's the so called Pure OCD. So, don't expect to notice I have something upon me because you most probably wont see external rituals and think I am ok.
Just so you know.
p.s. Maybe I should write this one to sceners with thread and ask if some scener has OCD or Pure OCD :)
p.p.s. Needless to say, Okkie gets the pouet joke award of the day one time again! HURRAY!!! Maybe I was sad about the poor kitty but his joke was clever and well put, I really had a lol with a sod of tear in my eye ;.)
Quit is harsh to say. Maybe retire inactive. But I know I'll be here. But quit? I couldn't stand when Pouet was down! Quit Pouet then? Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't for some reasons I am meditating upon this now..
I was sad for 3 days and the next day I had my nerves.
Maybe the whole equation in everything that happens here and in my life is something I discovered recently (about a month ago) about myself. Somehow I decided to share it here although I have my fears about people doubting this thing exists on me. It may explain much about myself though. It does explain especially to myself.
I'll take the risk to explain myself..
I've always been miserable and some people thought that's because I don't have a girlfriend, a life or anything. I even attributed to the fact that I am living in my parents and I can't stand it anymore, so I am not good psychologically because of that. But the root of the problem wasn't any of these! Those were the triggers. What if I was overanalyzing all these things and thus making me more sad? What if those ruminations were the triggers to make me feel bad? But why was I insisting doing that?
In the past, especially in my childhood, there was a thing I was calling "bug of my mind" or "my demon". It made me really sad but nobody knew because everything was happening inside my mind. Unwanted thoughts insisted bugging me, usually of violent, sexual or religious kind. Thoughts that are invalid to my personality and made me feel so bad about myself. How could I insist thinking of such bad stuff if I don't approve these things? And as long as I tried to fight such thoughts, the more they attacked back at me. "Just stop making these thoughts!" you would say. But it was impossible in my case! Till I discovered it must be some wicked mechanism in my mind that makes this ugly thing possible.
I had really identified that thing, analyzed it's mechanism, decided that maybe I have to go the opposite but painful way to trick the mechanism. 2-3 years I tried that. The suffering was reduced. I almost forgot I have this thing. Till I discovered something accidentally from wikipedia that was really identical to what I had (even the mechanism analyzation I did alone in how the thoughts tricked me into that sick game and even the idea I had about counterattacking it in the opposite yet painful way I would normally do to avoid it's thoughts were exactly the same explained!) and thought at first nobody else must know what that is or have it!
To come fast to a point, I am really sure that I am suffering from Pure OCD.
My first fear is someone doubting me or thinking I am faking a disorder to just get attention. Ok, some people might alert me because they'd think I've read about a disorder and in my imagination I identified to that. It's not the case. I am always sceptical about anything and never did the mistake to identify depression or autism to myself. I was quite strict into that! But with the case of my childhood it came back that I really had something inside me (In the past, I was crying alone and thinking "this can't be normal!"), about which I found it's named that and there are other people with the similar thing. I was just living alone in silence and didn't bothered to tell to anyone either because they'd most probably say "thoughts are thoughts, you have no problem at all!" or at worst they'd think I am a pervert and sick bastard for making such thoughts.
So, I am really sure about that, became extremely defendive to everyone who might doubt me (but I allow you if you have a diferrent opinion, though I'll reply with huge texts to a possible objection), because it's the first time in my life everything makes sense for me.
And while the thought attacks are supposed to be not necessary of real life worries (you will find some examples of few of them and how cleverly the wicked mechanism traps me), I am trying to see how the similar mechanism affected me in real life too. Since I have identified this recently, I try to sense and analyze my hard feelings in realtime exactly when they happen and really identify that much more things than the above can be cause because of my Pure OCD. For some it explains also my passion, ubernalyzing, big texts, break downs I have here, trying to excuse myself all the time, etc. So, I am currently try to see except from the non reallife thoughts I am preety sure they are my OCD, if I was affected in other parts of my life. And I am sure I was. Several things are explained. For example, the scene is a big spike (spikes are the triggers to unwanted thoughts) because I have lived it for a long and with no so nice feelings. That's why it makes me sad. Not because it sucks! I get negative triggers everywhere, in the scene, being with some people, with girls, exams, at home, etc. But those things are not the cause. The pure OCD is.
Also, I don't remember having something like the regular OCD with external rituals (uberwashing, checking several times, etc). My own OCD was totally inside my mind, it's the so called Pure OCD. So, don't expect to notice I have something upon me because you most probably wont see external rituals and think I am ok.
Just so you know.
p.s. Maybe I should write this one to sceners with thread and ask if some scener has OCD or Pure OCD :)
p.p.s. Needless to say, Okkie gets the pouet joke award of the day one time again! HURRAY!!! Maybe I was sad about the poor kitty but his joke was clever and well put, I really had a lol with a sod of tear in my eye ;.)
I think you should write a hugi article about that...
weed helps!
Optimus: you're sick. You have OCD and simply you need correct medication to fix this. I had that problem and it comes from time to time. No medicine fixed myself but one day I decided to get rid of the problem and as doctors were really lame I've found by myself the solution.
It's called St John's Wort. It's a plant which regulate your mood. So you don't get so much high and so much low. On the end you get better in your head and in your body. You can also try to get not in contact with negative people because this destroy your mental. Pouet is sadly not a good place for sensitive guy / souls like you and you get easily hurted by words. And some guys find that pleasant to be harsh or rude, so go, see the doctor, ask for St John's Wort and get a new life.
++
It's called St John's Wort. It's a plant which regulate your mood. So you don't get so much high and so much low. On the end you get better in your head and in your body. You can also try to get not in contact with negative people because this destroy your mental. Pouet is sadly not a good place for sensitive guy / souls like you and you get easily hurted by words. And some guys find that pleasant to be harsh or rude, so go, see the doctor, ask for St John's Wort and get a new life.
++
st john's warts
yeye, but my comment wasnt meant to be harsh or rude..
Yeah, and you need to meet somebody to which you can talk and be listened too. That's called a therapy; and don't believe those who say only madmen go to a therapist.
Psychologue and Psychiatrist have other tools that camisole, sleeping seringes or sleeping peels. You can tell them you don't want any medicine but just been listened. And they will do. Once they will have understood you, they will ask questions. You'll answer and found by yourself the answers to your mental anxiety which come from questions you ask all the time. This way you'll be helped in your perpetual interrogation process occuring in your mind.
This is something like beeing debugged by somebody; he traces what you think and give you new vision so you then can fix yourself.
That works and St john's wort will reduce your sensitivity so you can accept and live better in this rude world we are all in.
Be prepared to get a new life, with less trouble.
I promised you, it's possible.
++
Psychologue and Psychiatrist have other tools that camisole, sleeping seringes or sleeping peels. You can tell them you don't want any medicine but just been listened. And they will do. Once they will have understood you, they will ask questions. You'll answer and found by yourself the answers to your mental anxiety which come from questions you ask all the time. This way you'll be helped in your perpetual interrogation process occuring in your mind.
This is something like beeing debugged by somebody; he traces what you think and give you new vision so you then can fix yourself.
That works and St john's wort will reduce your sensitivity so you can accept and live better in this rude world we are all in.
Be prepared to get a new life, with less trouble.
I promised you, it's possible.
++
Optimus i wish you some cool things in real life, "be a scener" is a way of life, you'll continue everytime you'll see water falling on a window, to think, "oh, this looks like a demoscene effect" ;)
and finally we will not fight for the 6128 glöps !
and finally we will not fight for the 6128 glöps !
Quote:
To come fast to a point, I am really sure that I am suffering from Pure OCD.
dr. for fears says: you're bipolar.
Have some Prozac, stay off the Ouzo get yourself well whatever it takes and come back with more of your long posts and oldschool code. Hope you are feeling better Optimus.
A scene without Optimus would be world without Chuck Norris. So do whatever you want but don't quit the scene. Or Chuck Norris will round-house kick to your face for that.
By the way. Talking to a psychiatrist helps a lot. I advice you to do what qsdde exactly said.
By the way. Talking to a psychiatrist helps a lot. I advice you to do what qsdde exactly said.
"Unwanted thoughts insisted bugging me, usually of violent, sexual or religious kind."
heh Optimus welcome to the human kind :)
seriously that wiki article about OCD sounds a bit bogus, which man has never felt any anxiety nor thought about nonsense acts ?
you're just human, that's all! such a surprise!
don't read any medecine book, you'll compulsorily find a disease suiting you.
Just accept yourself, life is too short to be ruined, enjoy what you like (demos, parties, games, intarweb, girls, family, friends, etc...), find or create a job you like (good to make one's mind & hands busy and to live properly ;) and stay in revolt against the world bush & co wants to impose on you, against the happiness model dictated by corporations, medias & commercials.
no need to seek happiness at all costs (to be a so-called 'winner' in our societies) or sadness (like those emo kids). Just live! Life will give you enough happy and sad moments to fill a full life :)
"II faut cultiver notre jardin." Voltaire, in Candide.
"we must cultivate our garden."
heh Optimus welcome to the human kind :)
seriously that wiki article about OCD sounds a bit bogus, which man has never felt any anxiety nor thought about nonsense acts ?
you're just human, that's all! such a surprise!
don't read any medecine book, you'll compulsorily find a disease suiting you.
Just accept yourself, life is too short to be ruined, enjoy what you like (demos, parties, games, intarweb, girls, family, friends, etc...), find or create a job you like (good to make one's mind & hands busy and to live properly ;) and stay in revolt against the world bush & co wants to impose on you, against the happiness model dictated by corporations, medias & commercials.
no need to seek happiness at all costs (to be a so-called 'winner' in our societies) or sadness (like those emo kids). Just live! Life will give you enough happy and sad moments to fill a full life :)
"II faut cultiver notre jardin." Voltaire, in Candide.
"we must cultivate our garden."