pouët.net

That's already done, just copy the code.

Write a spec is useless, the customers always wants new features.

When are you going to finish it?

How far are you?

you're so goddamn good, you deserve a raise!

Give me a top level description

Can you check if this works? I have sold such a solution to be installed tomorrow...

Can't this be done faster?

I want ice cream.

:D

This has to be done urgently. Until when? Yesterday!

"How come this month's stock-take isn't the same as last months?"

Approximatly said once a month... it means "do fucking MOAR non-paid hours you slave!"

If you weren't all so eager for y'all new microwaves, you could lead a much more peaceful life (sry, boss told me to say that).

"If we don't get this order out we'll [you] all be out of a job by tomorrow!" - about a small, supermarket sized order on a not-very busy day...

The absolute winner tho was - "Dude, where's my car?" after said car got nicked from out of the front of work. Many hours afterwards laughing in the pub once he had sorted the cops out.

"That's NOT the WAY it should GO!!!!!"

"Badger badger badger badger"

what I was also meaning to say. Let's FFS build things that are literally build to last. Knowledge passed down from one generation to the next. Not this *keep it a fucking trade secret* bullshit. geeeeeeeeez. more BIA. :D

(I actually typed down a more sophisticated mail earlier this evening but, meh, it got lost somehow so please be gentle with my humble ramblings.)

Go get lunch.

"Don't feel proud of this review score, you don't deserve it. I tried to put you in the 10% bucket but everyone else sucked so much that you got pushed up into the 70% bucket."
"You should be embarassed that you didn't catch this"
"The only training I'll fund for you is non-build-break-training"
and my favorite...
"You're so NEGATIVE!"

My direct boss composed Onward Ride, so I guess he's said something about 12321457 faces and #!#%& shading and shadows.

My "division head" boss wrote the scene poetry in Unsound Minds - Follow the Sign III, so I guess HE said some arty fluff about the wind.

we need a root cause analysis.

"I need more data for statistical purposes".
Translated to real world terms:
"It's more important that we're able to report that we're not making any profit than to actually make money"

"Come on, the weather is too good for programming... have a beer with me instead"

On a friday: "I don't really care when you do it, just as long as the report is on my desk by monday morning".

"We'll see..."

"When will this be done?"

"We need a new version compiles ASAP!" (~friday, 6pm)

"But this time you'll go on a REAL vacation, no programming whatsoever!"