pouët.net

Raise Me Wake Me
Life spinning fast past my faculties
Sun in my eyes...raising me, waking me
Instantly focused on a warm glowing ray
That would shake me and make me
Aware that I am bursting with someday
Casually aloof, you showed my truth a new place
Shifted my paradigm into a bigger space
A wonderful pupil, a quick study, my tutor
A tender cut, this crush stings like a rumor
That whispers sapid lies into my ears and down my neck
Caressing curiosity about chances of advances
Crawling under my skin and into my chest
Inching into my brain, no rest from the infest
And that easy charisma lulls me into a dream
Dulling the noise from clamoring extremes
So when expression comes, on new language I’ll draw
For an abundance of sentiment in moments of awe
At how I was moved so sweetly and swiftly
Please take this affection on your journey
I’ve packaged it pretty, don’t mind if you see
Because life is just beginning for this summer bloomer
And I can’t imagine what if I had never met you, my tutor.

Thank You Notes and Taxi Drivers
ugggg, i just got finished writing thank you notes from my 30th birthday party a week ago. seems like such an old-fashioned thing to do....i mean, writing notes w/an actual pen. i haven't hand written anything in a very long time, and my handwriting was terrible. thank you notes, interesting concept. i mean, i never care about receiving a thank you note when i give someone a gift, but i guess it is the polite thing to do when someone is kind enough to attend your party and give a generous gift. i'm just spoiled with all this online stuff...can't i write 'em a thank you email??!!

watched "Taxi Driver" for the first time a little while ago. i read some quotes from it the other day, and i couldn't believe i hadn't seen it yet, being that it's so quotable. the dialogue was good, but to me, it was dark and depressing, and twisted. i guess some people go for that kind of thing. actually, twisted, dark and depressing aren't necessarily deal breakers when it comes to films, but at least enlighten me if i'm gonna sit through 2 hours of it. i left this one feeling, not very enlightened and not entertained enough to have felt like it was worth the time. that's just me though. it reminded me of michelle shocked's song, "fogtown"...

it was a red sun rising early in this ghetto
full moon rising late last night
but you would not know, no you was fast asleepin'
you only see the city in the broad daylight
in the broad daylight
fogtown
chorus:
fogtown i'm down and out on your streets
i would run if i only had a place to run to
oh fogtown

her name was ruby red,
she was a two bit hooker
she had a man named juan
he tried to keep her clean
but late last night when the heroin took her
there was one less siren when the sirens reached the scene
they reached the scene
fogtown
chorus
well, the city's got the charms of a painted lady
and survival bites like a black-headed bitch
you can find yourself on the closest corner
you wanna stay you wanna go, you got the fogtown itch
fogtown
chorus

i like the song, the movie's alright. nothin' i wanna own or see again. something about watching how a sick person tries to do the right thing, in their own twisted way. i guess i'd rather see dinero's character learn how sick he was and do something really cool, instead of murder everyone and try to kill himself. i dunno, it's compelling i guess....kinda the way opening a dumpster and finding an abandoned baby would be. not my cup of tea.

what a day. i have no energy. so sleepy. i did get the thank you notes done though, and that was my only real goal for the day.
- posted by kimberly @ 6:53 PM
Saturday, November 01, 2003

Bugs and Dadisms
watching vh1's special on the 70s...they were just talking about cartoons. i agree that the addition of scrappy doo, to the scooby doo clan was the beginning of the end for those kids. scooby doo was never my favorite cartoon (i wasn't a huge hanna barbera fan), but i would at least browse from time to time, and when they added scrappy doo...fergit it. im a bugs bunny girl all the way. i still get all giddy when bugs bunny comes on the cartoon channel saturday morning. i LOVE bugs bunny. it just makes me feel all warm inside, he's like the seinfeld of cartoons. and foghorn leghorn reminds me of every male role model i've ever had in my family...my dad, my grandfather. funny funny...."pay attention to me boy when i'm talkin' to you." that is my dad! and his 'dadisms' -not dadaism, but close. my dad was an absolute genius at making us feel like complete dumbasses. i had 3 brothers...most of these were directed at them. i was the apple of his eye, and could do no wrong. which, i've always thought was nice. no matter how i screw up my love life, i always know there's a man who thinks i hung the moon, and would give me the shirt off his back. when we got a lil older, we threw 'em back at him. here are a few examples of the "dadisms" that i'm talking about...

1. "use your head for something other than a hatrack"
2. "you make a better door than a window"
3. "boy, if you had any brains you'd take 'em out and play with 'em"
4. "you've got the brains God gave a jackass" ***this was the most frequently used.
5. "when God was handing out brains, you thought he said trains, and you passed"

dadisms for the car:
1. "what are ya...carrying eggs?!!"
2. "oh! i guess they didn't make blinkers that year!"
3. "drive it or park it buddy"
4. "you waitin' for a different shade of green?!!"

anyway, that's all i can think of right now, but the well is deep...i'll add to them if any others come to mind.

i just got back from our "gig," and i'm a little wired still. it was good. but, they cut 2 of my songs b/c of time, mine are covers and they wanted to do original stuff. so i only sang lead on one. i was NERVOUS. i have a huge problem with stagefright. i push through it everytime though. usually after the first song, i can relax and get into the music, but i'm so scared i'm going to forget the lyrics. it was a good show tonight though -especially for our first real gig together. freggin' susan gibson was there! i'm so glad i didn't know she was going to be there....it totally added pressure. i love her. i think she is such a great live performer...honest and funny. she has always been so gracious to me...we've talked before, and she told me she wanted to stay to hear me. she was listening intently when i sang. she was very supportive after. i think she is such a class act. i guess because i'm the girl, they stuck me right in the middle of the stage, even though i don't play an instrument and only sing harmony on everything else. i told him to put me off to the side next time, that i felt like a total jackass. they said, that i should play the tambourine or something. nowayjose...i'd rather stand up there and pick my nose. the lead guy is very collaborative, and wants to hear my ideas. i don't think i could do it otherwise. i think i can learn a lot from them. i am so greeeeeeeeeeen. got a lot of compliments after though. i always assume people are just being polite, but oh well. as long as they ask me to keep singing, i will. i love it.

Expose Yourself
the singing thing is new to me. i've enjoyed singing my whole life but only in the last couple months have i made the conscious decision to pursue it. something about turning 30 has got me wanting to dig out all of the interests i swept under the rug in my 20s, laboring under the delusion that i should chase the dollar and find a man. there's so much more out there i'm learning. i had a point though.
oh yeah, one thing the singing gig and even this blogging thing has made me wonder about... people who put themselves out there must have either very thick skin, or just not take themselves seriously enough to worry about all of the people you can't please. i have always considered myself a pleaser. it's very hard to do a show like the one we did last sunday, and hear someone bitch because i had to look at the lyrics on one song out of 6. it was either that or forget the lyrics because it was short notice and i didn't have time to get that song down. i honestly didn't think it was that big of a deal, it was supposed to be an informal open mic kind of thing. anyway, if that's the worst thing people said about what i thought was a very mediocre show, then i guess i'm ok with it.

but to hear someone say something critical, really bothered me. i know i'll have to get over it. and i can't even imagine being a professional writer. putting your thoughts down permanently for people to like or dislike is something that takes guts. already today, i guess i've had a lot to say...i've edited my blogs a million times. it's like when i used to paint, i had trouble ever thinking of a painting as finished, i'd always see something i could have done better. and with writing, i go back and look and i always see something i could have worded better. i guess it takes some getting used to. i think i should keep the cursing down, that's one thing i always look back at and think sounds kinda dumb. even though it can help with humor and candor, i don't really curse very much as a rule. i'm pretty benign, but hopefully not boring.


You are a recent girlfriend of mine
I’m thankful we’ve been able to spend some time
Sharing interests and trials can be such a nice thing
But I wonder sometimes will we end up fighting?
It seems there might be a secret you hide
It comes out in the bitterness that breaks you inside
In the shallow decisions that you try to justify.
You feel dirty, I guess, so you play in the mud
It gets hard to see truth when you’re covered in crud
You race your fastest to keep up appearances
That you’ve got it together despite any hindrances
When others are happy, you say “why not me?”
So blind you don’t realize your freedom is free
Girl! It makes me so tired to think about
The tangles and knots that cause you to doubt
How magnificently your wisdom would glow
If you would ever be still long enough to grow
This same sour aura that eats at your confidence
Pushes you further away from deliverance
Embrace the madness that makes you tick
We all must accept at some point that we’re sick
There’s no shame in admitting your flaws
The beautiful release of it will give you pause
And hopefully paint the portrait of a girl
Who is has so many gifts to add to the world.
She can selflessly give without keeping a scorecard
Goodness looses debt even when times are hard
And cheers on the joy others create with sincerity
Not because she’s hoping for sainthood through charity
This sounds so preachy and hard to swallow
But drop your defenses and you’ll see tomorrow
Strength and peace that can’t be disfigured
It’s right there inside you girl, look in the mirror.


Oh, and...
btw, none of that makes joe rockstar a bad guy i reckon. just a normal guy, with a completely different lifestyle than mine. b/c what would happen if he was really into me? we'd spend a great night getting to know each other and then he'd head to the next town, and that'd be it. how do people make it work when one is gone all the time? and if i had thrown caution to the wind? i'd see him at the next show and he'd probably forget he ever 'knew' me. i have a girlfriend who really has been with several of these guys, and she always get treated like that, it makes me cringe. anyway, i thought i sounded kinda ruff on the guy down there.


k, so last night, i went to see one of my favorite bands play. was a terrific show, and being halloween, all the guys dressed up. actually, everyone there was dressed up, except me it felt like. i wasn't feeling very halloweeny. i'd love to say who the band was, but i'm about to be very candid about what happened after the show and i just don't think they did anything bad enough to deserve my public fury....i'll save it for when they really piss me off.

anyway, so it was crazy, i don't even know the guy (the lead guy), but he kept looking at me from the stage. at first i didn't think anything of it, and then i looked over my shoulder to see who he could possibly be looking at that way....sho nuff, it was me. weirdo. anyway, it felt cool i guess. so, i decided to play the groupie and look back after a while. whatever, i yam a girl and he is hot. so, anyway, after the show he comes up to me with his cell phone (i wondered if this was his 'routine'), and starts going through his phone book, and said "somebody spelled your name wrong." i said, "no they didn't, it's right there," and just said the name that he was on, "...beverly" and he kinda laughed. i said, "you're not very smooth for a rockstar."

so, he said "do you smoke pot?" and my eyes widened... *sidenote, i am 30 years old and the first time i ever smoked pot was this past summer...it's so bill clinton, but i've never been able to inhale smoke. if someone had ever put it in a brownie for me, i'd prolly eat it up, but so far that hasn't happened. anyway, this summer, i had a close friend, who was more than a friend at the time offer to 'shotgun' it to me, which was a turnon...we'd almost kiss every time we did it. anyway, it was one of the best feelings i've ever had. i was absolutely giddy, and wouldn't shutup. we laughed all night long, so hard my stomach hurt. to date, it's still one of the best feelings i can remember...close anyway.*

where was i? oh yeah, he asked me if i smoked pot...so, i said "i have once." i've been wondering if i'd ever get the opportunity to do it again, i just am not around it that much and i'm not enough into it to ever go looking for it. but if someone's offering...um, ok. he never did ask for my real name, and that kinda bugged me. i've always suspected that he was cocky sonuvagun (what musician isn't?), and the fact that he didn't even care about my name added to the pile of evidence. i'm pretty lit at this point too, but still apparently coherent enough to know when a guy is an ass. Optimus are you reading all of this? No? Why not? You expect everyone else to read your bullshit, so now you know how boring and totally pointless it is. so, i only took one halfass puff. i still don't really know how to inhale, but i did the best i could, and it hurt...plus, i'm a singer and i felt like it might rip up my voice for the show tonight, it's already shredded enuff. i guess i'm just not much of a smoker...which is fine. i don't really feel like pot is any worse than drinking (except if your looking for a job). i know people get mixed up in a helluva lot worse. to each their own, it just sucks if it becomes a problem, but i digress.

at this point, i started really feeling like a groupie. and alcohol is like truth serum for me...dr. evil comes dancin' in and makes me say whatever pops into my head without taking time to process it first. many times wondering later, 'i didn't really say that did i?' know the feeling? so, after he made a couple innuendos, i pissed him off i think....in my own way, i guess i was trying to cut the bull...i said, "ya know i'm not gonna sleep with you right?...but if you wanna talk for hours about everything under the sun, cool." (i knew that would do the trick) he had the nerve to act like that was the farthest thing from his mind....whatever, maybe i'm a little jaded, but a guy like him doesn't come on the way he did when he's interested in your mind, especially in this scenario. he said "i haven't even asked you to"...and got an irritated look. i said "how long has it been since you had one of those kind of conversations?" and he warmed a little and said "a long long time." i just didn't feel like wasting time talking to him, if he wasn't wanting to get to know me, and not just 'know' me in the biblical sense.

so, after that, we talked about 5 more minutes and he removed himself from the room. which was hilarious to me. he was soooooooo into me! it didn't even take 6 minutes for that comment to clear the air. i guess i insulted the guy, but i'm not much into bullshit. especially from over-inflated rockstars. gimme something real, like an honest all night conversation and a new friend...nice. not sexy, but it could be later. i could have been more polite for sure, but he didn't really make me feel like my usual sweet self. it felt like i was a number to him -a number named "beverly". Ok optimus if you have read all this then I really do pitty you and anyone else who has read this far. Jesus you need to get a life! so i went home and 'relaxed with my thoughts'. pretty sure it was better than anything joe rockstar could offer. gotta be your own bestfriend sometimes. Before you say it I need to get a life, I’ve spent less than a minute cutting and pasting this and adding my own comments. happy hallowiener boys and girls.



This place is death, it’s no exaggeration
Everyday wishing I were on vacation
But they dangle that carrot and I come running
Because visa does not accept monopoly money
My life is on hold while they tie up their loose ends
Surprisingly I’ve found things I’d like to recommend
Life moves so fast you can’t see yourself clearly
Overlooking so many things you love dearly
And one thing this mess has forced me to know
If you never slow down you won’t ever grow
I’ve floated along up to this point unharmed
But business is for bears and bulls, not the charmed
Hell this floor is even built like a tomb
Cold and black and grey and I’ve assumed
That it is supposed to project innovation
But grey walls, floors, and doors can deplete stimulation
Co-drones act like work ethic still matters
Flatter the man, til your wallet gets fatter.
News flash chump, the ship has sunk
Don’t waste energy in a worried funk
But this is Energy wasteland you say
Isn’t that why we’ve been sent here today?
To march single file through the empty daze
To keep dust from collecting on our set ways
No think you, dummy.
Just gimme my money
The sun is out today
Time to go out and play.

god...

do the world a favour; go suck a pole of plutonium.

jesus christ shane get a fuckin' life already!

Wtf???

I know one thing for sure!
I will never read Shanethedogs post.
Some people got way too much spare time!

hahaha.. hail to shane!!! come to tum and i will buy you and optimus beer!!! (and we can discuss why demos made in qbasic and demopaja are underrated!)

too many words

Oh man, I'm just dying over hear. I'll probably end up with the hiccups all night long.

Possibly the best joke here yet, and it's reception makes it far funnier.

hahahhahaha :D

"go suck a pole of plutonium."

Best quote so far!!! =)

>(and we can discuss why demos made in qbasic and demopaja are underrated!)

Oh yeah, that was also funny :)

Lol. I couldn't read this thing. I only bunched upon the hidden comments concerning me. Shanethewolf you suck!!!

Then now you may know how do we feel and how many shit do we give about most of your posts. And you even dare to bash him for flooding...

at least optimus posts are sometimes interesting. This was just some random cut + paste bullshit.

Still, it was pretty funny.

oh fuck...and i thought optimus has no life... but this?!

"but i digress"

so clear-sighted :P

Some people here take me too seriously I think. This was only meant as a joke/experiment/piss take to give Optimus a look at himself through everyone else's eyes.

Optimus: Sorry I offended you but I only wanted you to see how boring and pointless long and self indulgent posts are for everyone else. I don't have a problem with you or your posts but you are wasting your time writing your autobiography here because no one wants to read about someone who only wants to write about himself.

Sorry, but I think this post has proven this is true.

why do you try do distance yourself from optimus? you're twice as bad as him and the fact that you don't see it is what makes you even more pathetic, so there you have it.

now fuck off (again).

Gloom: The fact is I DO see it, but unlike Optimus I don't take myself seriously.

PS. I think I'm allergic to plutonium.

I take myself so seriously it's just plain silly.

:D

:?

ELVIS IS ALIVE!!! HE CHANEGD HIS NAME TO ARSCHMADE AND LIVES ON IRCNET #SZENE.GER CONTACT HIM NOW!!!